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Friday, March 22, 2013

Breaking free

Recognition: God as a penguin is funny.

I have focused in the last two years on a 12-step program I  have participated in in the past. I found the women who could be my friends, but no matter what I did, it never happened. We remain acquaintances. It is always that way.

Now that I have decided to be solitary, I pondered what to do about this program, and these women and my home meeting in particular. I wanted to just quit. I hung in, deciding what to do. I missed here and there, and three weeks when I had the flu so so bad (I usually never missed this meeting).

Finally, I sort of gently extricated myself. It felt right. I felt a little resentment towards these women, for planning things without inviting me, mostly. But I didn't act it out. 

I didn't even think: "don't act out."

I was thinking about this just now. I realized that I left this part of my life without creating any karma. I didn't disappear. And I didn't make excuses (lies), or act resentful (blame). 

I always did those things before, a part of the THIS, now NOT THIS....... THAT, now NOT THAT... cycle. I am breaking free.

Thank you guru, thank you grace.

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