Friday, September 22, 2017

I am God in motion

I am God in motion. 
"Space and time are God's way of making sure everything doesn't happen at the same time and in the same place." ~ unknown

Monday, September 18, 2017

A visit from my guru

Sitting on the roof at Ganeshpuri

Tonight I was working on my aquarium, arranging my new plants. I was bent over the top of my tall tank, rearranging the wood. My left arm was up as I grabbed the wood. It was a little precarious.

There. At my left side. A gentle touch, steadying me. A soft touch, with pressure that radiated gently. It lasted for several seconds.

"Who is here?" I asked aloud. I could feel someone's presence. "Is it you?"

The slight pressure was gone, but there was still the feeling, the shakti of this touch. It lasted for an hour or so. It was on my side under my arm, even with my heart.

Steady. Be steady.

Like the touch that breaks the egg, the symbol of the ego, this touch changed my subtle body, releasing a layer of constriction and impurities.

Direction from the guru is priceless. I will be steady, and learn about steadiness. I have learned about confidence. Now I will work with being steady,

Everything for me is about freedom. Freedom from wanting and avoiding, freedom from satisfaction and lack. To see with the eyes of worship and love every molecule, in every place, as every movement... Shiva sporting as all, as me. 

That is all that there is.

Thursday, September 14, 2017

Real all the time

My spiritual life is now real to me all the time.

Most of the time, I realize my spiritual life is not only mine. My spiritual life is a gift that comes as shakti from my Guru, how and when and how much she gives me.

My spiritual life is also one with her other devotees. She has an overall plan for all of us, for becoming one with her. My ego doesn't care much for this.

Tuesday, September 12, 2017

My mind is set aside

I use my mind to describe, but my mind is set aside to experience.

No more

I'm in the wrong place.

No more.

Monday, September 11, 2017

Bhumisparsha mudra

I use my mind to describe, but my mind is set aside to experience.

⧫  ⧫  ⧫  ⧫  ⧫

It is my birthright, my nature, to feel this bliss in every moment.

I can shake off these mistaken beliefs. I do not claim them. 

Now. The truth is where I stand.

In Buddha statues with the Bhumisparsha mudra, the Buddha, more specifically, the historical Shakyamuni Buddha is seen seated with his right hand as a pendant over the right knee reaching toward the ground with the palm inward while touching the lotus throne. In the meantime, the left hand can be seen with the palm upright in his lap. 
This gesture represents the moment of the Buddha's awakening as he claims the earth as the witness of his enlightenment

Just before he realized enlightenment, it is believed that the demon Mara tried to frighten him with the armies of demons and monsters including his daughters who tried to tempt him to get out of meditation under the Bodhi tree. While the demon king Mara claimed the throne of enlightenment for himself, his demon army claimed to be the witness for Mara's enlightenment. Mara then challenged Siddhartha about the witness. 

Then the former prince reached out his right hand to touch the earth as it is believed that the earth itself roared "I bear you the witness!" Hearing the roar from the earth herself, the demon king disappeared. The following morning saw the first appearance of the one who is awakened, the Buddha. Hence, it is believed that the Bhumisparsha mudra, or "the earth witness" mudra commemorates the Buddha's victory over the temptation by the demon King Mara.

Sunday, September 10, 2017

Nowhere left

I turned around and there was nowhere left to go.

Friday, September 8, 2017

Grace wakes me up

I am permeable. My habitual boundaries of self, the age old boundaries of my heart are softening. I can relax what I thought to be rigid in my nature. Consciousness, love and bliss flows into and through me like water.

Float on grace.

Grace keeps touching me, gently refocusing my attention, waking me up.

My dharana is larger than my mind. I am essential, with no qualities or dualities, seeing my limited consciousness from the outside, watching the play of seeing and moving without moving or being seen.

The bliss gushes up each time.

I want to live entirely in that higher consciousness.

Monday, September 4, 2017

Now I am melting

It took me so long... to stop my mind from charging about with the full moments.

Don't run with it. Just feel it, be it. Let it be me.

Now I am melting. This Kundalini bliss. There is no place but here.

I am already there.                                                                                        

Romeo y Julieta - Franck Dicksee

The enveloping fire

Is it so, that I no longer burn karmas and samskaras? Am I no longer rising through the enveloping fire made from my Guru's grace?

I feel instead a succession of moments, the memories of moments when I was living and waiting with an ever stirred heart, waiting for the insistent longing in my heart to take form.

I accepted Her solemn promise, that no matter my circumstance or store of unmet delusions, I could no longer stay or go back. I belonged to Her then.

These rich memories, the moments I have loved and love, are by succession ferried from shore to shore in me–by Her grace–softening my consciousness, and my body, my soul.

This consciousness which came to be Her arms enclosing mine, dissolving me into Her.

I am returning at last.

I am saying goodbye.

Sunday, September 3, 2017

Eyes that see in

You are behind the eyes of all of the teachers. An immense power. Drawing me. Dissolving me. 

A penetrating prick to my ego. Once broken, freedom is inevitable.
I've escaped, because of GRACE.
All that is left is karmas and samskaras--debts from action,
distortions and deluded habits,
burning up in the sacred fire.

Swami Lakshmanjoo

Look at their eyes. They all see "in," as well as "out."

My Guru, Shree Chidvilasananda <3<3<3

You can tell he is inside ~ a beloved Brahmin priest in Varanasi

Shree Shree Ravi Shankar
Smiling or not. Open or closed. Eyes that see in. An ego pierced. The outer world does not touch them.
There is no "external" world to touch them.

H.H. 17th Gyalwang  Karmapa Trinley Thaye Dorje

H.H. 17th Gyalwang Karmapa Ogyen Trinley Dorje

HH 16th Gyalwang Karmapa Rangjung Rigpe Dorje

The shakti of the senses has been withdrawn from the sense objects.

Rabindranath Tagore

Swami Chetananda

Shambhavi Chopra

Swami Vivekananda

Shree Ramana Maharshi

Om shanti shanti shanti
Om Guru Om

Everything I touch and see

I no longer feel torn between the world and my true destination.

I have said my goodbyes.

To myself, to everything I say hello.

Everything I touch and see is You. All of this is Your body. Sacred.

It was always about this freedom

Once I realized that what is gained is freedom, nothing could hold me.


Sri Zipruanna
One of the things Zipruanna is known for was that he sat on a pile of garbage.

Zipruanna sat on the garbage, the offal. It smelled awful. He was relaxed, steady. Unaffected.

I always thought he was showing his power. This is what you can have, I thought he was saying. You can be this accomplished. Aquire such strong siddhis.

Now I think differently.

I want to say that I now know what Zipruanna was saying, demonstrating.

Freedom, he was saying. I have become free. Nothing binds me or repels me.

You can have this freedom. You.

Tuesday, August 29, 2017

The restless, endless searching

What do I want next? 

I let the eddying curl of a floating appetite slip out of my grasp, expanding as it is dissolving, becoming one with all that I am. Consciousness dissolving consciousness.

How do I avoid disappointment and regret?

I haven't even thought about it. No goals were set. No decisions were made. It just happens, again and again. Grace.

I notice the moment, so many each day. I slip out from the closing hook; lifetimes of grasping, lifetimes of pulling away.

The restless, endless searching stops for a moment.

There is a little prick of pain, the very slight jar of separation. Ouch.

Dissolving karmas, samskaras... what was that? I forget. I need not know. I am forgetting. It has become meaningless.

Then, grace. I am expanding so slightly with a gentle in-rushing of bliss, warmth, and freedom. My birthright.

I don't chase. I don't run away.

I choose freedom.

Sunday, August 27, 2017


My guru keeps trying to give me moments.

I keep turning them into story.

Expansion is delicious, subversive, playful bliss. It's why Krishna shakes his curls.

Thursday, August 17, 2017

No longer crawling

Somewhere, I am here

My body is so relaxed.

No longer crawling to a distant shore.

Tuesday, August 15, 2017

Tapasya of the mind

I hold my mind when I am visited by shakti. Intelligence as warmth, as bliss. 

I notice it. I feel a warmth emanating through me, head to toes.

Going against a lifetime of seeking, I stop my mind.

I hold my mind the very second I notice it stirring, surging. I stop my mind when the action of thinking begins; tasting, then starting to talk about a surge of bliss. 

Stop. Hold.

I do not make up a story about my experience, or decide what it means. 

 Hardest of all, I do not to try to augment and shape the event through mental action.

All I know is that these actions have enchanted me, have enslaved me. And this moment of stopping, of self-control, becomes a sacrifice, an offering. The fire of tapasya burns without the outward appearance of sadhana.

My sadhana is the tapasya of the mind.

I am simply alive. I have no agenda. My spiritual apparatus has stopped, settled. It seeks nothing.

No process. No language. Only the immense freedom of holding my being, holding my mind.

My mind is mystified, concerned, skeptical.

My sadhana isn't about making me better at control, analysis, pushing ahead to the ultimate goal. I am over the spiritual tantrum I recently had about this. That is when all action stopped.

I no longer indulge in the sadhana of action. Now. One-pointedness. No wandering. I often forgo the mantra--silence is my mantra.

I challenge myself, and my fears. "This is a big risk," offers my mind, the expert I built up and leaned on all of my life. "Might we waste a human birth if we are passive about our sadhana?" 

I stop these thoughts.

I do not know. I do not know. Freedom.

I hold my mind.

Thursday, August 3, 2017


Sweet Surprise 2017

Forever and ever...

...closer than close.