I am made of this velvet mystery
An ancient place of worship
Here, in the velvet mystery of my heart

Soham. I am that.

Tuesday, September 27, 2016

Abundantly evident

Utpaladeva says:

Nothing can shine that is separate 
from the light of your form, O Lord
Therefore, though disguised by nature, 
you remain accessible 

Just as it here is certain through great insight
That you are everything
That there is nothing else
Either existent or nonexistent
So, then, be abundantly evident to me 

The tri-form leaf of the Bilva tree is sacred to Lord Shiva

Yes, Utpala has an abundantly evident sense of humor.

The Shivastotravali and Jnaneshwar's Gita are my two favorite scriptures. The Stotravali is chanted every day by multitudes of devotees.

Shiva and Nandi statuette from GoddessGift.net

NOTE: Shiva doesn't actually ride on the bull Nandi. His "vehicle" is also a god who brings his own symbolism to that of Shiva, embodying the serenity and unfailing repose of Shiva's constant meditation

This luminous translation of The Shivastotravali by Utpaladeva (10th century) is by Constantina Rhodes. I haven't read Swami Lakshmanjoo's commentary yet.

Bliss and equipoise

Radha Krishna ~ a divine love

Every moment, I feel my mind, my ego shirk as a little more of me is pulled away. Another tiny rent in my attachment to the play becomes another little in-rush of freedom, spinning stars and stardust on timeless breath. 

Kriyas and spontaneous meditation. Head falling forward.

So often the shakti of "Chidvilasananda" visiting me as the ashram. I hear the silence there, see the golden gleam of low light on the spotless floors, feel the close mantle of love and protection about me. 

I belong "there." "There" belongs to me.

I play the mantra always, very quietly when I'm asleep. I repeat the mantra until I am floating on the bliss.

I am undone from within. I feel limp, very tired. I shuffle backwards when something grabs my attention. I do not surge forward. The anxiety I usually keep under control is flowing around freely. It hurts but I experience it as consciousness being released.

I control nothing. I experience it all as coming to a single-pointedness of bliss and equipoise.

Radha Krishna ~ a spiritual love

Saturday, September 24, 2016

Bridge to the inner country

Me: Why do we chant and meditate?

Guruji: To see the greatness that lies within, a whole new world inside of yourself.

Me: What will happen?

Guruji: The bridge that you are building to the inner country will grow ever stronger.

"As you chant and meditate, you begin to see the greatness that lies within you; you begin to catch glimpses of a whole new world inside yourself.  

As the bridge that you are building to the inner country grows stronger and reaches further, you begin to feel the glory of the Supreme Self; you begin to see the divine light, the radiant Lord. Then you know the true worth of a human being."

~Gurumayi Chivalasananda

How can I get grace to stay?

Me: How can I get grace to stay, and not flow away again?

Guruji: You must put in self-effort.

"To experience the highest, to experience the Supreme, you must put forth self-effort. In this way, when you receive the Guru's grace, it will stay with you forever."
~ Gurumayi Chidvilasananda

Friday, September 23, 2016

You will hear from me

Do not think I am dead and gone.
You will hear me from my Samadhi and I shall guide you.
~ Shirdi Sai Baba

Is that One only Sai Baba? Is there a difference between Sai Baba and Nityananda? Muktananada? Between Muktananda and Chidvilasananda? My Self?

Multiplicity and difference are perceived through the magic of maya. God has the great, blissful pleasure of returning to Self as me, as though we were ever different, ever apart.

Monday, September 19, 2016


A lot is going on.... and I don't know what is going on!

I used to be in my guru's orbit. Now I am welcoming her to my heart.

Things are happening.

Saturday, September 17, 2016

Only breath

All I want is to be where there is no sound, no sensation, only breath. 

I can't remember ever feeling this way.

Thursday, September 15, 2016

What will happen?

Devotee:  What is the highest purpose of this path?

Guruji: To know your own inner Self, to honor and worship your own divine essence.

Devotee: What will happen?

Guruji: You will know the nature of your divine essence, which is Supreme Joy.



Forever and ever... closer than close

Shree Guru

A beautiful being whose entire life is one of boundless love and service

Swami Muktananda

Muktananda and Nityananda

Swami Lakshmanjoo

Baba Hari Dass

I visited Babaji's ashram and had his darshan in 1999 just before I moved to Shree Muktananda Ashram

Swami Chetananda

Sri Kaleshwar

I always experience a sweet, calming darshan when reading the
Sri Kaleshwar email newsletter and visiting their beautiful website.

Sri Mata Amritanandamayi


Mahāmandaleshwar Swami Nityānanda

H.H. Gyalwang Karmapa

Swami Vivekananda

Sri Anandamayi Ma

Sri Ramana Maharshi