Only my love

Buried, then uncovered
These shifting sands will bring me up

The winds have moved this desert here
The winds cannot move me,
but they will take all of this away

Only my body holds me here

Only my love for You remains

~ jnana shiva

I am made of this velvet mystery
An ancient place of worship
Here, in the velvet mystery of my heart

Soham. I am that.

"The real beloved is your beginning and your end.
When you find that one,
you will no longer expect anything else."
~ Jalāl ad-Dīn Muhammad Rūmī

Sunday, January 31, 2016

The moment of freedom

Freedom is essential for a yogini. It is not an ideal to fight for, to defend. It is not a happy consequence of "living free" in one's life and choices.
Freedom for me means the last tug before the samskara is pulled off, the gasp as new energy pours in, healing and renewing my subtle body, freeing me, a release I can feel.

Once I endured it. Now I welcome it, open to it, flow with it. Freedom.

Thursday, January 28, 2016

Established in the truth

Severus Snape sacrificed himself to all that unfolded around him, remaining a part of everything sacred and profane. His unique service was to remain present in the events he was born to inhabit with no promise of outcome or reward.

I can turn my senses completely inward almost entirely at will now (with the support of grace, always). And I can sit like this while consciousness as movement surrounds me. It isn't a struggle, I don't have to regain the same amount of ground to get there.

I think of this as one, I identify with the One, and I am completely in the present, an eternal moment of bliss.

Give me an ocean and I'll turn this ship around. I've come back to the halfway point in the grand circle. When I search for the story in what is here, I notice, and stop. This includes the story of how I will become realized. Yup.

This just is. I don't want any of these karmas. The price is too high. The price is now, and now is where all that is most precious lives. The magical things I've dreamed of since childhood.

It is my guru's intention that I become established in the moment as Supreme Joy. Her grace carries me and I am amazed, shocked really, at how much she is giving me now.

Many need sadhana for attainment. This is a sweet path. But my sadhana is to be in the moment. To accept, all of this. I don't have to overcome anything.

Equipoise is freedom. Once I tasted this freedom, it all began to unravel, all of what I once thought of as important.

This is my form of discipline. It means almost always moving my previous activities–sadhana in all of its forms–gently aside. Don't struggle. Don't reach. Allow. Be.

This is not a mental exercise. I did not think it up, either. It is happening to me. It is real.

I am becoming established in the truth.

Friday, January 8, 2016

Only Guru's grace

To me, bhumisparsha means touching, standing upon
the witness of the earth, the unchanging truth

There is only one being here. This is all One pretending to be many.

This is not a know. It is there when I get my mind (story) out of the way.

It is my experience. A now made of incredible bliss.

How? Guru's grace. Only guru's grace.

To me, Bhumisparsha means seeking only, and grounded only in truth

Sunday, December 20, 2015

It is real

Happy, so happy, contentment that none can take away.

I know now it is the gift of my guru. There is nothing to do except love her and acknowledge her grace.

I can stop my mind analyzing. I can stop it slipping into the past or the future.

I finally realized the yantra I see when I close my eyes is something to take the help of when I open them. Sri Kundalini, the voice of my Lord, beckons to me. Be free... be free....

Sri Yantra

I have never gazed at a yantra before, but this one quiets my mind and centers me in the inner stillness, what is real. Then I look about and rejoin maya already in progress. I look at it at various times throughout the day, slipping back into meditation.

I want to be established in this, what is real.

Things that I have spent hours and years on, creating new karmas of concern, worry, perfectionism... I focus this clear consciousness on them and add the willingness to let them go, gently nudging them, slipping them off of me, off of my mind.

Nudge.... slip. I watch them dissolve. They seldom return. They slip away as I stay in the now.

If this takes more than a nudge, I stop. To push on it is a do, it creates story, my mind takes it up, and new karmas begin. No more.

Your words are pure nectar...

My guru's shakti. My guru's shakti. It permeates my subtle body as profound bliss and love. Sometimes I gasp when so much playful bliss pushes up through me... bliss, bliss, bliss.

My physical body sways slightly, completely relaxed. I breathe a little deeper. Every breath.

My guru's shakti. It is an infinite gift. She gives to me. She is giving me everything, all that there is to give. I don't know why.

I am giving her my everything. She is dissolving all that I no longer think of as me. I think enough has been dissolved that the bottom has dropped out. Lucky me!

It is the best experience, beyond any description or measure.

I no longer question, as I have obsessively questioned everything, all of my life.

I no longer question. It is real.

Brother Eknath, I touch your feet



Forever and ever... closer than close

Muktananda and Nityananda

Swami Lakshmanjoo

Swamiji on the day of his divya diksha

Sri Kaleshwar

I always experience a sweet, calming darshan when reading the Sri Kaleshwar email newsletter and visiting their beautiful website.

Sri Mata Amritanandamayi

H.H. Gyalwang Karmapa

Swami Vivekananda

Swami Vivekananda
Great Master of equipoise, I touch your feet

Sri Anandamayi Ma

Paramahansa Yogananada

Sri Ramana Maharshi

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