I am made of this velvet mystery
An ancient place of worship
Here, in the velvet mystery of my heart

Soham. I am that.

"The real beloved is your beginning and your end.
When you find that one,
you will no longer expect anything else."
~ Jalāl ad-Dīn Muhammad Rūmī

Friday, July 22, 2016

New rule

Former lifelong rule: only commit to (sadhana and other) methods that will give solid and immediate progress, that don't require constant attention and effort. I decided this as a child so I wouldn't "get lost" in the depleting pursuits of others around me.

"Chanting (etc.) is okay, but it doesn't get me there." Everything was about getting there.

Then, I dropped all the "fixing" and "getting there" architecture built up in my being.

All because I said yes to merging with the guru, with finding her inside me, and the gifts that my guru given to us for several months, gifts she is showering on me right now? 

New rule: chant, mantra, meditation (etc.) to experience the love of God, drawing near to God, loving God... God and guru. To feel the vibrations of purity and love in my being.

The experience is now, always now. Progress is not required. It really is the journey, not the destination.

I guess most or all of this seems obvious to seekers. But I thought I had to somehow achieve realization. I had reached a point where my sadhana wasn't about practices. It was about the discipline, purification and enlightenment of my mind. This control of my mind has blossomed into something unexpected.

I am on the path of choosing God, loving God, and opening myself to my guru's grace. I don't have to worry about the right actions and/or timing. I don't have to worry about "getting there." I already worry about that way too much.

How can I further describe the revolution that is taking place in my life?

Thursday, July 21, 2016


Evening aarati at Rishikesh

I was so attached to the story.

I pulled away from it, a little every day. For years. I wanted to be free of it, to only live in the inner world.

And now. To my great surprise.

This is who I am, where I am. I don't have to get somewhere here or away from here, now or later. God is me... as this.

Enjoy it! Be of service. I am free.


I worship You, I worship You

So great that You are everything and everywhere I go

Tuesday, July 19, 2016


I feel SO MUCH gratitude. Thank you Shree Guru for bringing me forever to my place at your feet. I am blessed beyond any measure.

Ryan Buchanan exposurescape.com


There is something of my own consciousness which I see in sadhu's eyes. The stuffing of life burned away, a pure consciousness is left, a lightness, a soul, a smile. Darshan of my Lord.
It is a spiritual attainment I have received as a gift from my guru and my own sadhana, the constant burning of years of believing that this story is happening to me.
Similarly, my life has always been outside of other's lives. I was mostly alone as a child. I developed an obsession with being with others. It was a happy day of freedom when I finally gave that up. Now I am like the sadhu (sadhini) who wanders, who belongs and lives inside, the inner world. 
I do not work, I am not married, I have no children. I have very little contact with my family. I have one true friend, and that is enough. It is a lot. There is no sangham here in Las Vegas. But there is an online sangham that I visit every day, one that is very active and so nourishing.

A sadhu in Nepal

Pashupatinath Temple

Photo poraschaudhary.com
Photo Pacific Press

Sunday, July 17, 2016

It is so much better

It is so much better to step out of the world's frenetic twirl, to be this soft smile of shared bliss. It is so much better when I remember, and want to stay, not just wander by. I have dreamed of just this, all of my life.

My bliss in your instruction, in your abode. 
There is no place, no other for me.

My guru's gifts for Gurupurnima are waxing like the moon.

Friday, July 15, 2016

An unexpected intimacy

My Guru speaks in my heart:

Why do you keep pretending we are apart? 
That we will ever be apart??

I am here, and so are you.

It's just how we roll.


You keep forgetting. Stop that.

*The ashram is the guru, the living shakti of my Shree Guru.

Thursday, July 14, 2016

Can you feel the love of home?

That magical feeling, of floating over the last hill before home.

The place that I love best, near or far, goes with me everywhere, here in my heart.

My home is always here... watching myself roam. 

Can you feel the love of home?



Forever and ever... closer than close

Shree Guru

A beautiful being whose entire life is one of boundless love and service

Swami Muktananda

Muktananda and Nityananda

Swami Lakshmanjoo

Baba Hari Dass

I visited Babaji's ashram and had his darshan in 1999 just before I moved to Shree Muktananda Ashram

Swami Chetananda

Sri Kaleshwar

I always experience a sweet, calming darshan when reading the
Sri Kaleshwar email newsletter and visiting their beautiful website.

Sri Mata Amritanandamayi

Mahāmandaleshwar Swami Nityānanda

H.H. Gyalwang Karmapa

Swami Vivekananda

Sri Anandamayi Ma

Paramahansa Yogananada

Sri Ramana Maharshi