Friday, December 30, 2016

Fear her when

been through 
so believe me when 
I say, 
fear her when she looks 
into a fire and smiles.


I shall not slip

A battle! I shall not slip

If I slip, I shall not fall

If I fall, I shall not break

If I break, I shall not stand again

I find Thee at the bottom of every defeat

I find Thee at the heights of my angel heart soaring

Where we are one

Forever one

A soul must find its home

Nothing will stop me. Ego, delusion, fear, long frozen feelings, judgement, haughtiness, once mighty decisions (with or without a solemn oath).

I can wait. All this comes and goes. It will subside.

I love this.... more than my entire life, more than endless moments of constant identification and attachment. More than hope and good faith. More than story. My story. Many stories. Many lifetimes.

I love only this: my return. All of this will finally slip away, and I will be what I love. I will know myself well.

A soul must find its home.

Thursday, December 29, 2016

Letting go of attachment

I find that I have greatly underestimated how much letting go of my attachments to the world would lead to breath-taking progress in my goal of enlightenment.

As always, it is grace.

Monday, December 26, 2016

Awakening me

So recent, I remember.

Shakti and bliss would start in me. And I sprang into action!

What does it mean? How can I keep it? How can I increase it?

How should I think about it to control it, make it larger, keep it from going away?

What should I be doing? What if I don't do it right and I lose it??


Now the shakti and bliss comes, and I breathe deeply. I open myself to whatever will happen.

Thank you for this shakti and bliss. 

Perhaps it is my Guru sending me shakti, awakening me.

Be awake. Be alive. Be now. Become more transparent with every breath. Feel your heart open.

And I breathe deeply.

Sunday, December 25, 2016

Every day is magic

When I was a girl, I wanted the magic of Christmas to last all year long. It was painful when it was over, and life became flat and empty again for another long year.

I knew then what I know now. There must be a way to be filled with happiness and experience a full life and purpose every day. I learned this is true, and receive it every day because of my Guru.

Thank you. Thank you.


Thursday, December 22, 2016

The huge fear

The huge fear, soul sucking fear kept chasing me around. Fear that seems to have existed before I began.

I felt it arise, and turned. I surrendered to it. All of me, every part, willingly consumed by the fear.

I saw beyond it the freedom from it that was to be mine.

More fear, please.

More fear.

I want to be free.

Sunday, December 18, 2016

Your eyes

Your eyes...
I want to jump into your eyes.
Journey with the light to where it lives in you.

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Friday, December 16, 2016

Stepping out of multiplicity

When I step out of multiplicity, I see only one all around me, including "me," little me.

I am. There are no outer senses. I feel that I am. I feel bliss, and a great peace. Wonder, playfulness, joy. The burning desire to love and worship God, my source.

I do not see or hear. No taste, no touch or feeling sensation.

I am not heavy or light. Not cold or hot.

There is only my breathing. Only the bliss.

Then when I can, I step back again. I identify with the One, with Shiva. I have become Him; He looks out through my eyes.

I remember who I am. I remember.

I have no form, there is no space or time. I made all... to play.

Lord you are sweet bliss. The sighs of many contentments. I am on a journey to experiencing this truth: that we are One. You have called me home.

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Thursday, December 8, 2016

Respect for my Shree Guru

When I show respect for myself, I show respect for my Shree Guru and Her Shakti.

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Sally Kempton on political upheaval

"For me, this has been one of the most powerful experiences of the last few weeks: realizing that in the midst of the [political] upheaval, there is a current of Shakti that seems to be directing our attention into the heart."
~ Sally Kempton, Awakened Heart Newsletter 7 Dec 2016

Sign up for Sally's mailing list on her website:

SALLY KEMPTON "Awakened Heart" Newsletter
Dec 7 2016 (excerpt)

"How do we hold onto our recognition of oneness, of interconnectivity, while acting skillfully on behalf of our values? How do we keep our hearts open and intact? 

There is extraordinary energy available now for spiritual practice and transformation.

For me, this has been one of the most powerful experiences of the last few weeks: realizing that in the midst of the [political] upheaval, there is a current of Shakti that seems to be directing our attention into the heart. 

When we follow the direction of that current, rather than letting ourselves be derailed by emotions, we recognize that we are being asked to get deeply centered. Then, any action we take comes from the very center of our own deep wisdom."

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Friday, November 25, 2016

Sri Yantra

The Sri Yantra is a mystical diagram formed by nine interlocking triangles that surround and radiate out from a central (bindu) point. It is worshiped as a form of the divine in Hindu tantra, which is based on the Hindu philosophy of Kashmir Shaivism.

The Sri Yantra expresses Advaita or non-duality, which includes the union of the Masculine and the Feminine Divine. Four upward triangles represent Shiva or the Masculine, which is potentiality, while five downward triangles symbolize the female embodiment of Shakti, from whom all creation is made.

Together the nine triangles are interlaced in such a way as to form 43 smaller triangles in a web symbolic of the entire cosmos or a womb symbolic of creation. The triangles are of various sizes and intersect with one another in various ways, creating three-dimensional patterns. In the middle is the power point (bindu), visualizing the highest, seeming elusive center from which the entire figure and the cosmos expand.

The Yantra is a way to express the form of the divine, but also serves as a vehicle. It moves the gaze and consciousness of the viewer into the center, where all consciousness as multiplicity resolves back into the One.
Based in part upon Wikipedia: Sri Yantra

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Thursday, November 24, 2016

A soul with great value

I am a soul, a soul with great value. My Guru teaches me this.

I am worthy of liberation.

We are all great. We can all be lifted up.

Friday, November 18, 2016

Yantra sun

When I woke up, before I opened my eyes, in an inner field of night I saw an exquisitely beautiful Sri Yantra shimmering in waves, and then a gold disc that was subtly two discs, one atop the other, or with a small circular place opening (or closing) on the right side.

Tuesday, November 15, 2016

When you're done with everything, the spiritual process begins

An excerpt from When You Are Finished with Everything, Spirituality Begins podcast by Sadhguru 
November 13 2016, emphasis mine.

Spirituality is like just about anything else in your life. Like in your life, when you're done with one thing, the next thing begins, just like that. 

When you're done with everything, spiritual process begins.

When you like, for example, to come to the basics of life, spirituality is very much like sexuality, in the sense, you are fourteen, and suddenly you know (audience laughter). Suddenly all those little things that meant the world to you as a child [inaudible] go to the dust bin, the teddy bears go to the trash can, and all the childish games disappear. Now suddenly you know. Just like that.

Sadhguru Jaggi Vasudev at Mount Kailash

When a certain awareness arises in you, suddenly you know that little games don't satisfy you anymore. When you became fourteen, you thought what you were doing until then were petty things. Suddenly you know the big thing. When the big thing becomes a petty thing, now you're spiritual (more audience laughter). when this question begins to arise, why am I in all these little things, stuff like this? Then the spiritual process has begun.

Sadhguru Jaggi Vasudev at Mahashivaratri celebration

Wednesday, October 26, 2016

This is all new

To experience the highest, to experience the Supreme,
you must put forth self-effort. In this way, when you
receive the Guru's grace, it will stay with you forever.

~ G______ (my Guru)

All of this is a gift from my guru.

This is new. Instead of doing spiritual practices to have spiritual experiences, I have been given the grace to do austerities for long periods throughout the day, mainly listening to chants and chanting the mantra inside.

This builds up a fullness of shakti and bliss. This makes it easier to continue with the practices in the now. I become drunk with bhakti (devotion).

I reach out to the Guru and the ashram (which is also the Guru). The Guru reaches back, filling me with bliss. The connection stays; it becomes stronger.

All of this is in the now. It turns out that focusing on the present moment is key to my sadhana, a different kind of discipline.

"Structure" is not now. Structure doesn't work for me (I am overly and obsessively structured). It has taken all of these years to finally understand that the minute I say "every day I will..." I am no longer in the now, in what is real. It's a concept. This is worse than useless for me. An obsession. Delusion.

For some time now I have been very disciplined in the now with disciplining my mind. I have enough control of my mind now that I can usually still it the second it starts with thoughts I don't want to entertain. 

I can now still my mind when it is afraid or unbelieving about long periods of continuing spiritual practices. I can also still my mind when it balks at repetition.

I don't force myself. If I can't still and be at peace with my mind in the moment, I back up and try again.

I have come to a place where my sadhana comes first, and is everything.  I said goodbye to everything else. My single goal in this life is to merge with God.

I have reached the point where more of me than not wants to be engaged in the practices without substantial interruption. I contain the shakti without spending it out on the town. This is huge.

I can see now. I thought that the goal was to do practices in order to reach a higher state that didn't require consistent effort. What is true is that I maintain a steady effort with practices and study to reach and sustain a higher state... because it increases my connection to the Guru and her state. I am aware of her as my constant companion. I need spiritual practices to express my love for her, and for God.

There is nothing I can ever do to repay her for even the smallest portion of her grace.

Did I mention this is all new?

All of this is a gift from my guru.

Sunday, October 16, 2016


Listening to God is meditation. Asking God is prayer.

If everything is just a method then there is no point in prayer.


Prayer is the cry of a soul. To whom you pray is not important. 
When there is longing, true prayer happens by itself.

Quotes from Sri Sri Ravi Shankar

Tuesday, October 11, 2016

Going large with Shree Kundalini

Om Namah Shivaya

There is nowhere to get to, only now. I chant forever, for what is established.

My mind feels betrayed. There's a jerking sensation. How can we be there already? I've got plans. And this is boring and stupid, by the way.

I am firm, yet gentle with my mind. Discipline feels good, and we soon settle down.

I chant and listen to the mantra hour after hour to soften my heart, to express and worship the forever divine, to be transformed. What could be better? (It's even easy! That's from her grace).

That One. Soham. I am that.

My ego dissolving dharana: Eyes open or closed, I concentrate on the light all around me, dancing completely free, frustrating my mind's obsession with engaging multiplicity. I remember how attempts to join with and direct this play of time and place is always fruitless, and worse than unkind. And I let go. Freedom. Freedom, bliss, and a profound contentment is where I go when multiplicity ends.

PS LOTS of things are freakin' HILARIOUS when multiplicity takes a hike. Like Shiva taking shape as an elaborate device and his communications called a "telephone." Ha ha, like Shiva needs help to talk to parts of himself. 
This is not intellectual. It's laughing while swooshing large with Shree Kundalini... amazing fun!! 

Cosmic doorbell

All of this is a gift from my Guru.

Imagine my surprise when God has begun to be at play in everything. I experience the play as waves of bliss that I tune into at will, and which tickle me, ringing the universe's most profound doorbell.

But I thought...
Lord Shiva is the Lord of the Dance

I thought liberation would be intellectual, that I would "see" my liberation, mapping it with my mind. But I don't see it with (that part of) my mind.

My liberation dances as bliss.

Now I know why Shiva is the Lord of the Dance. All of creation is dancing. His dance. The dance.

(For the first time I really comprehend how the divine comes to each in their own way).

I feel my liberation like a bubbly plunge into liquid unknown, flowing with the constant certainty of unformed feelings of knowing recognition. With eyes closed I am cresting and sailing without moving, the arching waves of bliss, intelligence at play.


There are no rules or concepts to it. No "up" or "down," no "here" or "there," no "this must be ____."

No "inside" or "outside."

That thrill in the story when Sherlock Holmes said it, filling the reader with delight and anticipation that didn't exist in the previous paragraph: "The game is afoot!"

Perhaps I am sometimes outside of the realm of the senses. I have learned how to withdraw my senses for a time, and keep them in check. I have learned how to tamp down my mind, holding it tightly and gently as I am still in the center place. I experience what is outside of my contracted mind, that which contains it.

I recognize in the moment. I don't know what or how, simply a recognition of what is greatest, what is essential.

I am thrilled with bliss, with all that is right here.

Imagine my astonishment when this bliss keeps calling to me, a revelation of dancing both large and small that appears in my stream of consciousness, calling me to open to what is real, filling my heart, the dance.

I did not know. A swirling play of bliss has no blueprint, no rules, no expectations... just The One whirling with bliss that creates an entire universe, *creating and dissolving, all on the fly.

Ecstacy. The Lord of the Dance.

All of this is a gift from my Guru.

Whirling Dervishes in a State of Bliss by Lance-Daniel-Smith

~ ... ~ ... ~ ... ~ ... ~ ... ~ ... ~ ... ~

*In Kashmir Shaivism, Shiva is the supreme creator and performs five functions: creator, sustainer, dissolver, concealer and revealer

Sunday, October 9, 2016

Maa Katyayani puja

Salutations and pranam Maa Katyayani

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