Saturday, September 30, 2017


No need to be suspended by grappling hooks anymore.

Ananda Tarot

The nectar of that nearness

When that time will come? I want to ask You, when that day will come for me, when that day will appear, when I will leave all other things, all of the other activities of the world, and be focused only to that point, i.e., just to embrace You and taste the nectar of that nearness of that devotion, love? When that day will come for me? Tell me.
~Swami Lakshamanjoo commentary, Utpaladeva's Shivastotravali, Chapter Nine

Feeling lost

I feel lost now when I am lost.

Tuesday, September 26, 2017

This moment is not a vehicle

This moment is not a vehicle. I do nothing with it.

I absorb this truth as bliss: the highest is already attained.

Friday, September 22, 2017

I am God in motion

I am God in motion. 
"Space and time are God's way of making sure everything doesn't happen at the same time and in the same place." ~ unknown

Monday, September 18, 2017

A visit from my guru


Tonight I was working on my aquarium, arranging my new plants. I was bent over the top of my tall tank, rearranging the wood. My left arm was up as I grabbed the wood. It was a little precarious.

There. At my left side. A gentle touch, steadying me. A soft touch, with pressure that radiated gently. It lasted for several seconds.

"Who is here?" I asked aloud. I could feel someone's presence. "Is it you?" She has visited me before.

The slight pressure was gone, but there was still the feeling, the shakti of this touch. It lasted for an hour or so. It was on my side under my arm, even with my heart.

Steady. Be steady.

Like the touch that breaks the egg, the symbol of the ego, this touch changed my subtle body, releasing a layer of constriction and impurities.

Direction from the guru is priceless. I have learned about confidence. Now I will work with being steady, and I will learn about taking the guru's direction through steadiness.

Everything for me is about freedom. Freedom from wanting and avoiding, freedom from satisfaction and lack. To see with the eyes of worship and love every molecule, in every place, as every movement... Shiva sporting as Shakti, as all, as me.
That is all that there is.

Thursday, September 14, 2017

Real all the time

My spiritual life is now real to me all the time.

Most of the time, I realize my spiritual life is not only mine. My spiritual life is a gift that comes as shakti from my Guru, how and when and how much she gives me.

My spiritual life is also one with her other devotees. She has an overall plan for all of us, for becoming one with her. My ego doesn't care much for this.

Tuesday, September 12, 2017

My mind is set aside

I use my mind to describe, but I set my mind aside to experience.

No more

I'm in the wrong place.

No more.

Monday, September 11, 2017

Bhumisparsha mudra

It is my birthright, my nature, to feel this bliss in every moment.

I can shake off these mistaken beliefs. I will not claim them. 

Now. The truth is where I stand.

In Buddha statues with the Bhumisparsha mudra, the Buddha, more specifically, the historical Shakyamuni Buddha is seen seated with his right hand as a pendant over the right knee reaching toward the ground with the palm inward while touching the lotus throne. In the meantime, the left hand can be seen with the palm upright in his lap. 
This gesture represents the moment of the Buddha's awakening as he claims the earth as the witness of his enlightenment

Just before he realized enlightenment, it is believed that the demon Mara tried to frighten him with the armies of demons and monsters including his daughters who tried to tempt him to get out of meditation under the Bodhi tree. While the demon king Mara claimed the throne of enlightenment for himself, his demon army claimed to be the witness for Mara's enlightenment. Mara then challenged Siddhartha about the witness. 

Then the former prince reached out his right hand to touch the earth as it is believed that the earth itself roared "I bear you the witness!" Hearing the roar from the earth herself, the demon king disappeared. The following morning saw the first appearance of the one who is awakened, the Buddha. Hence, it is believed that the Bhumisparsha mudra, or "the earth witness" mudra commemorates the Buddha's victory over the temptation by the demon King Mara.

Sunday, September 10, 2017

Nowhere left

I turned around and there was nowhere left to go.

Friday, September 8, 2017

Grace wakes me up

I am permeable. My habitual boundaries of self, the age old boundaries of my heart are softening. I can relax what I thought to be rigid in my nature. Consciousness, love and bliss flows into and through me like water.

Float on grace.

Grace keeps touching me, gently refocusing my attention, waking me up.

My dharana is larger than my mind. I am essential, with no qualities or dualities, seeing my limited consciousness from the outside, watching the play of seeing and moving without moving or being seen.

The bliss gushes up each time.

I want to live entirely in that higher consciousness.

Monday, September 4, 2017

Now I am melting

It took me so long... to stop my mind from charging about with the full moments.

Don't run with it. Just feel it, be it. Let it be me.

Now I am melting. This Kundalini bliss. There is no place but here.

I am already there.                                                                                        

Romeo y Julieta - Franck Dicksee

The enveloping fire

Is it so, that I no longer burn karmas and samskaras? Am I no longer rising through the enveloping fire made from my Guru's grace?

I feel instead a succession of moments, the memories of moments when I was living and waiting with an ever stirred heart, waiting for the insistent longing in my heart to take form.

I accepted Her solemn promise, that no matter my circumstance or store of unmet delusions, I could no longer stay or go back. I belonged to Her then.

These rich memories, the moments I have loved and love, are by succession ferried from shore to shore in me–by Her grace–softening my consciousness, and my body, my soul.

This consciousness which came to be Her arms enclosing mine, dissolving me into Her.

I am returning at last.

I am saying goodbye.

Sunday, September 3, 2017

Eyes that see in

You are behind the eyes of all of the teachers. An immense power. Drawing me. Dissolving me. 

A penetrating prick to my ego. Once broken, freedom is inevitable.
I've escaped, because of GRACE.
All that is left is karmas and samskaras--debts from action,
distortions and deluded habits,
burning up in the sacred fire.

Swami Lakshmanjoo

Look at their eyes. They all see "in," as well as "out."

You can tell he is inside ~ a beloved Brahmin priest in Varanasi

Shree Shree Ravi Shankar
Smiling or not. Open or closed. Eyes that see in. An ego pierced. The outer world does not touch them.
There is no "external" world to touch them.

H.H. 17th Gyalwang  Karmapa Trinley Thaye Dorje

H.H. 17th Gyalwang Karmapa Ogyen Trinley Dorje

HH 16th Gyalwang Karmapa Rangjung Rigpe Dorje

The shakti of the senses has been withdrawn from the sense objects.

Rabindranath Tagore

Swami Chetananda

Shambhavi Chopra

Swami Vivekananda

Shree Ramana Maharshi

Om shanti shanti shanti
Om Guru Om

Everything I touch and see

I no longer feel torn between the world and my true destination.

I have said my goodbyes.

To myself, to everything I say hello.

Everything I touch and see is You. All of this is Your body. Sacred.

It was always about this freedom

Once I realized that what is gained is freedom, nothing could hold me.


Sri Zipruanna
One of the things Zipruanna is known for was that he sat on a pile of garbage.

Zipruanna sat on the garbage, the offal. It smelled awful. He was relaxed, steady. Unaffected.

I always thought he was showing his power. This is what you can have, I thought he was saying. You can be this accomplished. Aquire such strong siddhis.

Now I think differently.

I want to say that I now know what Zipruanna was saying, demonstrating.

Freedom, he was saying. I have become free. Nothing binds me or repels me.

You can have this freedom. You.

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