|Sri Anandamayi Ma|
The 2013 Message satsang. Cleaned house before (to point of exhaustion). Usual attempt to make everything perfect before, during and after, with usual results (contraction, worry, fear).
Okay, this is how it always goes for me. It's not as bad, but still very compulsive. It is burning the impurity of my mind, dualism, anava mala.
I stopped fighting it. Whatever. I can't ruin the guru's plan for me. It will all be okay.
(Then: Hurry up, this is taking too long. Wow, it's been a long time since I sat through satsangs, I've lost that discipline it seems).
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SRI MANTRA JAPA offers many benefits, here are five:
1) connects to guru's grace
2) stills the mind
3) reveals the light of the heart
4) protects the one who practices it (from the pain of Samsara)
5) leads to liberation
The mantra is given by the perfected master, alive with consciousness, chaitanya. I knew that (laugh...)
Sri guru, the mantra, the mantra deity, and you are all one. Repeat the mantra with this awareness, said Muktananda in Mukteshwari. (hmmmmm....)
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After the satsang, a lot of my ego squirming, contracted.
Then, laying in bed. A chance to go back to my normal practice of mantra japa. It hit me...... The intention and shakti of Gurumayi's satsang illuminated my mind and being in a split second.
OMG. WE ARE ALL ONE. The mantra and My Beloved are ONE!!! The mantra is consciousness, Paramashiva is consciousness. I am consciousness. HE IS RIGHT HERE! On my breath! In my mind! Vibrating through my entire being!
|Sri Anandamayi Ma|
I suddenly experienced God SO CLOSE that I had a very strange sensation of losing my privacy, such that my ego squirmed and wanted to step back. Too close, you're in my space (said anava mala, a feeling I still have when I think about it).
Immediately I teared up (rare for me). "Oh, Gurumayi.... Oh!.....thank you!"
But today as I finally type this out, it gets even (ever so much) better. I am AMAZED to experience that Pararmashiva IS IN MY SELF AS ME. As close as my breath, the living mantra, in my mind and as the vibration of my being.
I knew that: (laugh!)
Well I really know it now. Oh, grace! My guru is truly offering me everything.
I am fearless. Oh, grace! My guru is offering me everything.
Of an established oneness with my Beloved, I have NO DOUBT.
I am so lucky at love.
|Sri Ramana Maharishi ~ I get such strong and sweet darshan from his photos|