Attainment is now

My mind still keeps trying to hold onto darshan, which is spinning me all around this way and that. If I reach, that isn't it. If I reject, that isn't it. If I hide, that isn't it. 

When I stop inside, and step back, just a tiny shift, into stillness, darkness, quiet, the knower, not the known, the seer, not the seen... I have darshan, I feel bliss.

Shiva dhyana bliss

All "around" me and "in" my head is consciousness as a play. But I don't quite play at that level, not in this lifetime. I am giving up all hope of ever having a "life" that overlaps with other people's "lives." Not happening. Quit trying. Give up.
I gave up the world, and turned to God. Oh, boundless grace (sadguru), God waits, then matches my seeking with that and so much more.

This is how it works, I think. The wild card is grace. But God calls, and when I answer, God answers with everything. Attainment is now.

God has made me, I am some of God's consciousness contracted into me. For me at least, each move I make towards God is answered by God so very many times over what I offer. God waits, then surges forward. The result is darshan and bliss, a beautiful expression and experience of truth.

Osho said that realization is like a tree. When the seed breaks open, realization is. But it also isn't, yet, as the tree isn't here yet, it hasn't grown and flowered, there is no perfume or shade. But the tree is real, it has begun. it cannot happen any other way.

The question is, how much do I accept from God now?

My path is not sangham. No group or organization to join. It is not sannyasi. There are no vows, or robes. My path is not vedantic re-identification, neti, neti... not that, not that. I don't require the swahyaya of long hours of meditation, japa yoga. 

The tiny step back into truth, into my Beloved, and our soaring bliss. Recognition (pratyabhijna) is now, direct knowledge (jnana) is now. 

Attainment is now. This is my path.