Showing posts with label Kundalini. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Kundalini. Show all posts

Saturday, July 2, 2016

Grace never forgets you


"Through dhyāna, meditation, you allow yourself to become more subtle. As the kundalinī energy moves through you, you get rid of whatever you don’t need.  
Then meditation doesn’t just happen at a given time, it happens constantly. As you go about your daily actions, you are recharged.  
This is a very high yoga. Once it catches you, it never lets you go. Even if you forget grace, grace never forgets you. It will always be following you."
~ Mahāmandaleshwar Swami Nityānanda 



Wednesday, June 15, 2016

Grace comes and goes

Evening arati in Varanasi

GRACE. Not because I try. Not because I do. It flows to me on God's time, Guru's gift, Shiva's delight, Kundalini's exhilarating freedom.

I've felt like a mess all my life. I have tried so hard, above all other activities, to grip and change and channel my life, to repair it, get it on the right track. A lifelong obsession.

Sadhana is portrayed as improving the mind and body with yoga, meditation, mantra repetition, chanting, reading sacred texts. All that is uplifting, that creates merit, nurtures the virtues, clears the mind.

Sadhana is most certainly not a waste of time. But it isn't going to fix me. Fixing in all its forms is a tangle of samskaras filling my life all the way back to the beginning of at least this life.

All I know is because I tried as hard as I could all my life, trying this and this and this and that, a seeker desperate to "fix" my broken life. Because I gripped as hard as I could for so long, I used up this ability as my youth slipped away. Now I have to lay around a lot. Gripping and building and gathering is a no no. It's an instant samskara stirrer.


Photo by Nilmoni Ghosh
IT SEEMS I am always different from other yogis. My sadhana seems to be the mirror opposite of every yogini I meet. I don't focus on this. What matters is what my guru wants for me, how she makes me free. 

I did meet one woman like me at the ashram and we became fast friends. She was a yogini of many years, and never sat for meditation. She did open eyes meditation. I did both.

We wore black all the time because we liked to. We skipped morning chant and slept instead. We drove an ashram vehicle to go get steak and eggs, watch a lot of movies, shop at Target and go to a bar (she would drink and I as designated driver would smoke Shermans). We both had TVs in our rooms and signed up for this brand new thing called Netflix. DVDs came and went in the ashram mail room. 

It was just the way these ashramites rolled. My friend and I went a lot of places in and outside the ashram together. We were the yoginis that partied. 



Does he still wave the lights, my rock star of brahmins?

FIXING IS NOT a conduit of grace for me. I'm a mess. I am not accomplished. I was born with high-functioning autism for a reason. It took a long time for me to give up on this obsession to fix my life. Even just cleaning my house, eating better, not watching Breaking Bad is not going to fix me. It isn't what's wrong with me.

WHAT'S "WRONG" WITH ME IS PERFECT.

I'm not supposed to be in control. I know because I'm not, and this has never changed over decades of trying my best.

This voice of fixing gets in the way. The one that thinks I can get to grace by a certain set of actions. Foolishness.

My sadhana is to make that little quarter turn into the NOW. That's it.

When I do this, I realize my life is perfect, it's the lila I've got going on.

All I have to do is stop, get out of the way of grace.

Grace comes and goes in either case.

This is not a concept to follow. It simply is. I didn't decide it. I found it.

Grace comes and goes.


The sun rises over the Ganges, the place where it is experienced that two worlds are one


Saturday, March 12, 2016

The Four Schools of Kashmir Shaivism by Swami Lakshmanjoo

Swami Lakshmanjoo was a Kashmiri scholar, teacher, guru and holy man who received the non-dualistic philosophy, teachings and shakti of the lineage of Kashmir Shaivist Masters, handed down from around the 8th or 9th century CE. Swamiji made these teachings available to his students, who recorded his transmission of this precious knowledge to them. They have in turn made this knowledge available to the world through recordings and books. 

It is a great service that Lakshmanjoo has done for those of us in the Kali Yuga era, in which many teachings have been diluted and distorted. Swamiji's teachings are fresh and alive with the shakti of his lineage.


Thank you Swamiji, and thanks SO MUCH to John Hughes and fellow devotees for tireless efforts making this wisdom available to all. I highly encourage readers of my blog to consider purchasing this or the other books the Universal Fellowship have produced and which are available at the online bookstore here.


I also encourage you to visit the website, sign up for their amazing newsletter (this post comes from the newsletter), and send a donation if you find this information vital to your life and sadhana, as it has been to mine.




Swami Lakshmanjoo


The Schools and Systems of Kashmir Shaivism

An excerpt from the book:

Copyright © John Hughes
Reprinted by permission





The Schools of Kashmir Shaivism

Kashmir Shaivism is known as the Pure Trika System. The word trika means “the threefold science of man and his world.” In the idea of trika, there are three energies: para (supreme), apara (lowest), and parapara (combination of the lowest and the highest). These three primary energies represent the threefold activities of the world. In the thought of the Trika, therefore, it is admitted that this whole universe and every action in it, whether spiritual, physical, or worldly, is existing in these three energies.

The Trika Philosophy is meant for any human being without restriction of caste, creed, or color. Its purpose is to enable you to rise from individuality to universality. The Trika System is comprised of four sub-systems; the Pratyabhijna system, the Kula system, the Krama system, and the Spanda system. These four systems, which form the one thought of the Trika system, all accept and are based on the same scriptures (agamas). These scriptures form the ninety-two agamas of Shaivism. The monistic Bhairava Shastras are supreme (para) and are sixty-four in number; the mono-dualistic Rudra Shastras are medium (parapara) and are eighteen in number; and the dualistic Shiva Shastras are inferior (apara) and are ten in number.


Pratyabhijna System

The word pratyabhijna means “to spontaneously once again recognize and realize your Self.” Here you have only to realize, you do not have to practice. There are no upayas (means) in the Pratyabhijna system. You must simply recognize who you are. Wherever you are, whether you are at the level of Supreme Being, at the level of yoga, or at that level which is disgusting, you can recognize your own Nature then and there without moving anywhere or doing anything.

For example, take the case of a bride and groom. The woman has not seen her husband-to-be and craves to see him. Concerning him she has only heard praise and glory but she has not actually met him. Suppose this girl and her future husband happen by chance to go separately on the same pilgrimage. When they arrive at the place of pilgrimage, they meet. The girl, however, does not feel any importance in this man because she does not know him to be her future husband. Yet her future husband and this man are the same person. Later, when a friend introduces her to him, telling her that this is the man who is to be her husband, then she is filled with happiness, pleasure, and ecstasy. She realizes that this is the same man she had seen before.
In the same way, reality dawns in the Pratyabhijna system. In whichever level you are situated, do not mind.

"The moment recognition dawns, not only do you instantaneously become divine, but you also realize that you were already divine."

At that moment, you realize that you were already the Lord but did not know it because you had misunderstood yourself.

In the Pratyabhijna philosophy it is your master who tells you, that ‘you are the same person for whom you are longing’, and he teaches you to reach the goal there and then without adopting any means. This teaching, therefore, is situated chiefly in anupaya, which is that means where there are no means at all. It is the recognition that there was nothing to be done and nowhere to go. Here, there is no practice, no concentration and no meditation. By the grace  of your master you realize it and you are there.

The Pratyabhijna system was flourishing in the beginning of kali-yuga. As time passed, however, it became veiled due to misunderstanding. It wasn’t until the end of the eighth century A.D. that the great master Somananda reintroduced the Pratyabhijna system in Kashmir. Somananda’s disciple was Utpaladeva, and his disciple was Lakshmanagupta, and his disciple was the very great Abhinavagupta.


Kula System

The Kula system teaches you how you can live in caitanya  (universal Consciousness), the real nature of yourself, in the act of ascending and descending. While you rise from the lowest to the highest you realize your nature, and while you descend from the highest to the lowest you also realize your nature.
"In the Kula system, there is no break in the realization of your own nature either in the highest or in the lowest cycle. This system, therefore, teaches you how you can live in totality."

In fact, the word kula means “totality.”

In the practice of the Kula system, you have to realize the totality of the universe in one particle. Take one particle of anything that exists in this world; in that one particle is to be realized the totality of the whole universe. The totality of energy is found in one particle. Everything is full of one thing and one thing is full of all things.

The difference between the Pratyabhijna system and the Kula system is, that the Pratyabhijna system teaches you how to realize your own nature in one place and exist there, reside there. While the Kula system teaches you how you can rise from the lowest degree to the highest degree, and all the while, experience the nature of your Self on the same level and state. Shiva, which is realized in prithvi tattva (earth element), is the same level, the same reality of Shiva which is realized in Shiva tattva. Here, there is complete realization in every act of the world.

The Kula system was introduced in Kashmir in the beginning of the 5th century A.D. by Shri Macchandanatha. Later, in the 9th century, because its teachings had become distorted, it was reintroduced by Sumatinatha. In the line of masters that followed from Sumatinatha, Somanatha was his disciple. Shambhunatha was the disciple of Somanatha, and the great Abhinavagupta was the disciple of Shambhunatha.


Krama System

The Krama system does not recognize the ways of either the Pratyabhijna or the Kula system. In the Krama system, you must rise in succession, step by step. This system teaches that step-by-step realization makes your realization firm. As the Krama system is concerned with successive realization, it is primarily concerned with space and time, because where there is succession there you find the existence of space and time. In both the Pratyabhijna and Kula systems you are beyond space and time. In the Krama system, it is in the end, not in its process, that you are beyond time and space because it also carries you to that timeless and space-less state.
"The Krama system is primarily attributed to shaktopaya and to the twelve Kalis."

The twelve Kalis are said to be the twelve movements of any one cognition. For example, if you look at any object such as a pot, the sensation travels from your thought to the place of the pot, and then returns again from the place of the pot to your thought, giving you the sensation whereby you realize this pot. You do not realize this pot at the place of the pot, you realize this pot in your mind. Your perception has moved from inside to the pot, and then returned again from the pot to your thought. And these movements are distributed in twelve ways as the twelve Kalis in the Krama system.

The rise of prana kundalini is also described in the Krama system, because in prana kundalini you rise from one cakra to another, from one state to another state. As this is a successive process it is found in the Krama system.
Although the Krama system existed in the beginning of kali-yuga, having been introduced by the sage Durvasa, it was reintroduced at the end of the 7th century A.D. in Kashmir by the sage Erakanatha, who was also known as Shivanandanatha. Shivanandanatha had only three chief disciples which he initiated into the Krama system. Because in this system predominance is given only to shakti, all three were females. Their names were Keyuravati, Madanika, and Kalyanika. They were quite prominent and were completely informed in the Krama system. Afterwards, these ladies also initiated disciples, which were both male and female.


Spanda System

The fourth system, which comprises the Trika philosophy, is called the Spanda system. The word spanda means “movement.”
"The Spanda school recognizes that nothing can exist without movement. Where there is movement there is life, and where there is no movement that is lifelessness."

They realize that there is movement in wakefulness, dreaming, deep sleep, and turya [void]. Though some thinkers argue that there is no movement in deep sleep the philosophers of the Spanda system realize that nothing can exist without movement.

The teachings of the Spanda system, which is an important practical system, are found embodied in the “Vijnana Bhairava Tantra,” the “Svacchanda Tantra,” and in the 6th chapter of the “Tantraloka.”

The Spanda System was introduced in Kashmir by the great sage Vasuguptanatha in the beginning of the 8th century A.D. Vasuguptanatha is the author of both the “Shiva Sutras” and the “Spanda Karikas.” The disciple of Vasuguptanatha was Kallata.

Some teachers think that the "Spanda Karikas" were not composed by Vasaguptanatha but rather by his disciple Kallata. This theory however, is absolutely incorrect.

Swami Lakshmanjoo with John and Denise Hughes and their daughter, Shanna.


Reprint by permission

All Content is subject to Copyright 
Copyright © 2016 John Hughes. All rights reserved.



Friday, January 8, 2016

Only Guru's grace

To me, bhumisparsha means touching, standing upon
the witness of the earth, the unchanging truth


There is only one being here. This is all One pretending to be many.

This is not a know. It is there when I get my mind (story) out of the way.

It is my experience. A now made of incredible bliss.

How? Guru's grace. Only guru's grace.


To me, Bhumisparsha means seeking only, and grounded only in truth

Sunday, December 20, 2015

It is real

Happy, so happy, contentment that none can take away.

I know now it is the gift of my guru. There is nothing to do except love her and acknowledge her grace.

I can stop my mind analyzing. I can stop it slipping into the past or the future.

I finally realized the yantra I see when I close my eyes is something to take the help of when I open them. Sri Kundalini, the voice of my Lord, beckons to me. Be free... be free....



Sri Yantra

I have never gazed at a yantra before, but this one quiets my mind and centers me in the inner stillness, what is real. Then I look about and rejoin maya already in progress. I look at it at various times throughout the day, slipping back into meditation.

I want to be established in this, what is real.

Things that I have spent hours and years on, creating new karmas of concern, worry, perfectionism... I focus this clear consciousness on them and add the willingness to let them go, gently nudging them, slipping them off of me, off of my mind.

Nudge.... slip. I watch them dissolve. They seldom return. They slip away as I stay in the now.

If this takes more than a nudge, I stop. To push on it is a do, it creates story, my mind takes it up, and new karmas begin. No more.

Your words are pure nectar...


My guru's shakti. My guru's shakti. It permeates my subtle body as profound bliss and love. Sometimes I gasp when so much playful bliss pushes up through me... bliss, bliss, bliss.

My physical body sways slightly, completely relaxed. I breathe a little deeper. Every breath.

My guru's shakti. It is an infinite gift. She gives to me. She is giving me everything, all that there is to give. I don't know why.

I am giving her my everything. She is dissolving all that I no longer think of as me. I think enough has been dissolved that the bottom has dropped out. Lucky me!

It is the best experience, beyond any description or measure.

I no longer question, as I have obsessively questioned everything, all of my life.

I no longer question. It is real.


Brother Eknath, I touch your feet

Saturday, December 5, 2015

I am returning



I feel as though I have a hidden cache of the solution to every problem, the solution to even having problems. That which my soul craves. All I have ever dreamed of, longed for, felt a soul-stinging lack of, lamented with no relief, none.

Oh yes, I whisper to myself every time I reach for all that I have ever desired, here in my soul.

I carry the living shakti of my Lord, paramashiva. He lives in my heart. He isn't in my mind, (except as mind), I don't perceive him with my senses, though I do feel the emanating bliss of the eternal flowing through me in waves.

This is real. Not because I decided it is.

I have chased so many things in this life. But I only found the idea of all of these things, including God. I loved God so much as a teen, but I felt separated from God, empty and profoundly unfulfilled. I tried everything, tried escape in fiction. Everything was bright, shining cardboard. I felt so empty.




Look, I say to myself. This treasure... This universe without end in my heart. The gift of shaktipat, of endless love and shakti. Thank you...

And I slip into it like dark, cloudy cotton, like fresh and fragrant sheets, so cool. I slip into the chosen place between two worlds, the place where I become.

My treasure. There... whenever I reach for it. It doesn't go away!

When I offer pillow mantra. When I mediate throughout the day, my eyes open meditation. Always there, whenever I reach out (in).

I am rich beyond every need or desire, so far beyond any, any.

God lives in me. God answers my touches with bliss and more bliss. The bliss is changing me, dissolving me.

I love this inner darkness measured by light years of travel, of flowing, of not moving as the universe dances around me. Not as thoughts. Not detected by the senses. A living reality, my source.

I am accepting the gift of freedom. I am becoming free. I am returning. I am home.



Sunday, October 11, 2015

Jai Maa Durga Jai!




Oh BLISS! It is Navaratri time again. I love you Mother.

Tuesday, March 17, 2015

Ow ow ow





Ow... ow... ow... ow... I'm on fire!

Anava mala and a whole lotta shakti. Conflagration. Incandescence. Luminosity.

Ow... ow... ow...


Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Billions

I have learned a thing or two about burning. Lucky me!!

To burn is to be purified. The investment of belief and time in something is not usually removed without burning. Burning sets me free.

Guru's grace is the fire, the purifying kundalini rushing up through me, like a silent, temperature-less fire made of consciousness, the ultimate consciousness that is not bound in any way.

Sometimes I hear her, rising like bubbles through the akasha, then the little vision showing me that what rises is beyond water or air, but is consciousness rising as fire. Strange, that God would create so many layers and mechanisms behind the seen. At last I understand that God goes everywhere, takes shape as all possibilities, all Gods, all pathways home. It is pleasing to journey for a time beyond the seen before arriving home, to experience the play at every tattwa, every layer of the descending and ascending divine.


Purification comes in waves. I am finally learning to not ascribe attainment to any stage of purification, including feeling perfectly One with the center place, silent and unmoving, no now or here, only potential, only love and bliss. All that I am and all that I feel are mine through guru's grace. What it means about me is a senseless question, a moment of plundering by ego and mind.

(Hey! That sounds like an attainment!!)

I find that purification means I have to feel it again, experience what it was like to believe as I once did that it was happening to me, which created karma, a cosmic debt. I invested in delusion, in bondage. The way to get my investment back is to go through it again, and throw the yoke off.



Many around me are still invested in the play. God is at play in many forms. Then some of us feel the need to return to God, and the burning begins. I please God as He experiences as me every nuance of return to Self, every tiny step, every breath made of purest longing.


The fire is a very very intense version of "circumstances" which I bought into. What I believed in becomes fuel for the fire. To be free, I must burn off the debt, my investment in the play, experience it with such an intensity that I see it anew, laugh or cry, throw it off and leave the burden to be reabsorbed by consciousness.

I remember once a wise person said that we need to take our hands off the rear view mirror of life and place them on the steering wheel.

If life is the car, then holding onto the mirror is believing that I am somehow directing or controlling events. I turn the mirror this way and that and notice changes, believing that I am the source of change in the events around me. To place my hands on the wheel is to realize that I make choices, but I have nothing to do with how things go. They just do. I have the wheel, I may turn this way or that, but all of THIS is God and God doesn't invest power over the joyous unfolding of consciousness in little me.

OMG can you imagine how tiny, painful and drab life would be if little me was really in charge??

Life is inspiration and intelligence, free, free beyond any measure or understanding. It is wild and wooly and starts with an exquisite planet surrounded by space and the bodies of space that goes on for such distances that the light from what is there now cannot be seen here for about 3.8 billion years, and that's a long time and far far away... and all one tiny seed in the place of potential.

Perhaps we are all that old.




Saturday, January 18, 2014

Shree Kundalini

Focus on siddhis is for sissies.

That said.....

I am having spontaneous meditation on and off throughout the day.

Thank you guruji.


art showing energy rising and taking the form of an undulating snake
Shree Kundalini

Sunday, October 20, 2013

Follow the Shakti to Shiva

It is hard to explain in words where I am going, and how I await myself there.

Swami Lakshamjoo on the day of his
attainment of the Self, of Shiva

First off, I finally feel that realization is inevitable. I am spiraling into myself. I no longer hold on, invest in the play of maya. I smile, I am sad, it is all so beautiful, and it is passing away. Soon I will be with my Beloved. This is my last lifetime. It just is.

I know now why "moody" music has been my favorite all my life. It is the soundtrack of return to God, saying farewell, a poignant goodbye, a poignant hello.

Universal Shaiva Fellowship Bookstore


I realized today that kriyas aren't just purification, or even just communications from Shree Chiti Shakti. She is moving my body, and that is how everything is, really. Made from her, moving as her.

When I have a kriya, it is Shree Kundalini showing me, right now, that all of this is shakti, I am shakti, I am merging into Shiva. Where they are one, that is my true state.

A profound realization, experience. Follow the Shakti to Shiva.




Then I finally read my email from The Universal Shaiva Fellowship, with a commentary on verses from the Vijnana Bhairava. And there it was in the first stanza, where I'm at in my sadhana. (See next post, below, first paragraph).


"When you enter in the state of energy, and leave your individual state (you have not to enter in the state of energy for always), you have to throw off the individual state and enter in the energy to enter in the universal state in the end. Because unless you ignore, [throw] off, your individuality, universality will not rise, universality won’t take place." ~Swami Lakshmanjoo

This gave me chills. This is new, and it's real to me now. Every little realization, recognition, fills me with bliss. Sweet bliss.

Many times a day now, a little touch of grace reminds me, and I take a moment to concentrate, to follow my dharana into a new state, which lasts for up to a minute.

I slip back the half step into the me that is universal, blissful, and not identified with my ego or body, or place in time. All around me is supreme intelligence at play, a moving painting, painted with light, which is consciousness.

This is new, a new place I go... where the grace leads me. Guruji...

It is always grace, I know now. My ego tries to figure out how these "attainments" apply to me. No luck, not anymore. My mind starts to flutter, then I caress it back into place. Be still. Remain still.

How? It is always grace.

"No matter which intensity of Lord Shiva's grace is with you, it will carry you to His nature in the end." ~ Swami Lakshmanjoo



Friday, August 9, 2013

As we soar

I experience the familiar kriyaa spontaneous movement directed by Shree Kundalini—several times a day or more.

I will pause in my typing, and a little silent glide... my head is gently bent forward to my chest, then stays there. Sometimes fast, most of the time slow; it is like gliding into place.

Instantly I am in meditation. I notice my detachment from the world, (hard won from years of sadhana, but mostly a gift of grace).

I ask myself, now, each time... and whenever I remember throughout the day: Which do I choose? Union with God, or all of this?

I choose God. It is real in the moment. I take the half-step back into the stillness and bliss of which I am made.

Could it be? This awareness of You is now more than half of me!

Shiva Shiva Shiva... to say your name is bliss and bliss and bliss. I say it over and over (and over). Your name fills me with love and love (and love!)

The world swirls around me now, and with each day I feel far less concerned with how it all takes form in each moment.

I am not the baby-sitter for my Lord's creation.

Shree Krishna... I do what seems right by myself and by You... and leave the results up to You.

If thoughts of suffering, controlling, or fear arise, I notice them right away, and gently stir them back into the consciousness from which they arose. I do not entertain these thoughts, do not invite them in. Once they're in they become my guests. I serve them, though they pretend to serve me.

My discipline about this has become a strong habit. Through grace...

Instead, I am still. I do not fight. These once looked to enemies cannot hook me, cannot start me on an inner junket or personal massacre once arising from a painful rumor about a substantial nothing.

I do not believe in suffering.

I have a funny little smile, hour after hour. The smile of one who knows my Beloved is always closer than close, never out of reach, never...

Every time I think of You I find myself curled around You, partaking of Your dream... my arms fast around You as we soar....


Photo Himalayan Academy

Thursday, May 16, 2013

Inner Explosion (update)

INNER EXPLOSION

I just woke up from a nap. While I was asleep, the most amazing thing happened. I was fast asleep when something exploded in me, in my being and consciousness. It was like a depth charge going off, exploding through all of me, pushing outward through me as consciousness.
It barely woke me up for a second, just long enough to remember it later.
When I woke up, everything seemed the same, I haven't noticed anything different(?) 
~ originally posted 5/12/13

~ ... ~ ... ~ ... ~ ... ~ ... ~ ... ~

~ updated on 5/16/13
I never expected to have an inner "explosion," even when "dreaming." 

Today I was reminded that I had an explosion of sorts during shaktipat, though I had never described it that way to myself...

NOTE: It is really really strange to type the words "inner" and "explosion" together



 ~ Update 5/16/13
 SAHASRARA CHAKRA


I opened the SYP website today and there was a description of the 2013 message artwork.

And in the explanation of the sahasrara mandala, there was the word "explosion." Ah-ha!!

"In the Sanskrit language, sahasrara literally means 'Thousand Rays of Light.' The sages experienced the Supreme Self as an explosion of divine effulgence, and described it using metaphors such as 'thousand-petaled lotus,' or 'the light of a thousand suns.' They named the crown chakra sahasrara to reflect this experience."
And, "The thousand petals of the sahasrara are a metaphor for the infinite rays of pulsating Consciousness."

The divine effulgence of the sahasrara chakra
here reminds me of my "sparks," though the lights
were low, so it was mostly dark in the room


This immediately evokes my shaktipat experience.

I received shaktipat from my Guru at the beginning of 1999 in Santa Clara, California. I lived in Mountain View, just down the road.

I was very new to Siddha Yoga. I originally decided not to go. I didn't understand yet how my relationship with her was going to be essential (as guru's grace) to my spiritual path and returning to God.

I was at work, where I had a small picture of my Guru at my desk. I looked at her picture, and felt her presence in my mind. And I could hear her in my mind as she asked: "Won't you come be with me?"

Well. I asked Bill if he would pay for my registration, and he said yes!


 The original explosion?
 SHAKTIPAT


Shiva Nataraj in the dance of creation
with his consciousness swirling and taking form
through the fire of Shiva's active form, Kundalini Shakti

My shaktipat experience was very dramatic, and is very special to me.

Our chanting reached an ecstatic crescendo, when my head tilted back and my mouth fell open with ecstasy, energy flowing upwards. So much ecstasy! I felt a distinct little tingly movement at the base of my spine.

Then the energy flowing upward EXPLODED into a huge spray of sparks, the divine effulgence upward in every direction, and I could see the Nataraja form of Shiva dancing in the center. This is the ecstasy of Kundalini Shakti merging with Shiva.

The spray of ecstatic sparks/divine effulgence continued upwards from me, up and up and up and clear out into the universe past galaxies and nebulae out into deep space, then tipping... tipping... came around and flowed all the way back to me and rejoined me at the base of my spine.

The divine effulgence had become circular, moving up through me and out through all and back in a continuous circle.

Throughout I was in a state of tremendous ecstasy.

I realize that it is possible to receive shaktipat with hardly any signs at all. Guru's grace knows best. For me, I am grateful for this compassionate and beautiful experience. I have never had to ask if shaktipat was real(!).

Thank you my Guru, your compassion and love is so sweet and real to me.

Sweet guru's grace.


The many petalled sahasrara chakra
at the crown of the head


 Another "explosion:"
 ONCE I DREAMED ABOUT THE EGG


I recently remembered an experience I had when I lived at the ashram, which happened right before I woke up. For a short second I experienced a beautiful golden dawn with sweet baby blue skies, all behind an immense egg which almost filled my field of vision.

Suddenly the egg broke open and I woke up (in the same instant).

NOTE: The breaking open of an egg is a Hindu symbol for the breaking open of the ego. I didn't feel any different, so I assumed it was a communication about that, or the future, or ??





  Praying for an "explosion?"
  THE GAZE OF THE GURU


Also when I lived at the ashram, as I once wrote here, I had an ongoing fear of having the guru look at me. On several occasions she turned towards me as though to look, just staying there for a second, then she turned away and kept going past.

It seemed that my ego was terrified, and I assume it's because my ego might have been broken open (or etc.) if she looked right at me. My ego was very relieved when she didn't look, but it left me with a feeling of swelling up and ALMOST exploding, but not quite. There's a definite unfinished feeling of gathered up energy, with no where to go, even now.

Lately I have remembered this several times, and wished that I would have "yogi-ed up" and reached out to her in my heart, even aloud, and asked her to look at me.

Now I never see her. But as she has said, to her devotees she is "...closer than you can even imagine."

Remembering this, I have prayed over and over, please break my ego open, or...?? Please, finish this...

And so... I think... the INNER EXPLOSION was the answer to this prayer!






PS Did I mention it is really really strange to type the words "inner" and "explosion" together...?


"Lemme outta here..."

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