The most essential belief, the most essential reason for all of my being and doing.
Now. Things just are. I let them be. I am still, with soft eyes. I have become a place, a moment... at my Guru's feet.
I let it all be.
I once strode forth each day to dance with all this, trying to use it to get somewhere. A formula. A trade off. Trade this for that and get ahead. Augment any feelings of meaning and spiritual progress. Try to hold on.
Disappointment when it all dissolves again.
Collect the karmas. Start again at the first part of the cycle, where hope springs eternal.
I watch myself. I see my body now. It is temporary. Body and mind I flow as shakti formed. I am part of the play unfolding. I once thought that I was doing it, that all this was happening to me.
Now. I am perfectly still, with eyes that expand with the rushing heavens, falling into Her without a ripple.
How strange it is that others seem to progress via sadhana from illusion to perfect form--the goal of sadhana--while I progress from form as illusion to the perfect chaos of all forms in One.
I feel, I dance. Only now.
I fall apart, fall to earth, lost again, conquered by what is most petty, ego's sure advance, retaking all ground.
Then it starts again, the perfect dance, with no form, spontaneous, coming up from within.
I don't need to know anything at all, except the bliss, the divine that transcends "in" and "out."
The continuum is not divided in any way.
God is so close, there is no gap between us. The energy of all holds my consciousness as we dance.
My mind is poised at all times to fixate on ways to be that are fulfilling and spiritual, or even just very alive. No more of the emptiness that has filled most of my life. This was my life's goal.
My mind is always searching, always ready. It is motivated beyond all things to try to shape all of my activities and thoughts into a new life, one that is consistent, that doesn't require struggle and effort to avoid collapsing back into the emptiness, the waiting.
I want to have, to be. Not feel lack and emptiness. I will trade everything else for this, my entire life. I bargain with life. "I will give up everything just to have this one thing."
This part of me is restless. If something good happens, my mind steps right in. "How can I do this all the time? How can I structure it into my life?" My mind is like a snapping turtle, ready to grab on and not let go for anything.
This is the opposite of freedom. It is illusion. It gets in the way, because I allow my mind to chase what I am absorbing in the moment, trying to make it permanent. Poof, the goodness detected disappears. I can be sitting listening to a profound talk about prana on YouTube, and I can't hear it anymore because my mind steps in. "I need to find a master like this, to sit at their feet, to learn, to ask and to learn. I could do that, I wonder if there are any in Las Vegas. I should start searching right now to find out..."
Meanwhile, I am not listening. I only made it about 2 and 1/2 minutes into a ten minute talk.
"The Relationship between Prana & Sound" - A Talk by Swami Satchidananda
Horse pucky! How to make progress, what to do to call grace.... what to do. NO.
I need to master doing like I need a hole in the head.
I am, the Self is my truth, which I can feel at any time, because of grace, exquisite grace.
Someday-at any moment-I may become "established" in the Self, able to experience the truth in every moment.
I am a traveler in the beautiful consciousness of God, as me and as everything. My dance of bliss and travail offered to Lord Krishna is my treasure. I knew it years ago when I looked at my past with new eyes and realized it was all a precious strand of pearls with everything I ever wanted in it.
Passion, strength, being devoured, becoming again, crying with my soul, yearning and yearning for magic, for an awakened life.
I wanted an awakened life, which I am living now, in this moment.
This is my truth. This is what is true, the dance. And it only exists in now.
An excerpt from the Dakshinamurti Stotram, a hymn to Shiva composed by Adi Shankara (Vedanta), a concise rendering of the teachings of the Vedas and an expression of gratitude to He who makes one realize these truths.
Like the eclipsed sun and the moon, covered by Maya, one sleeps after withdrawing his senses into that self. To him who on awakening makes one realize that "I was sleeping before", to that Dakshinamurti, the teacher, I offer my salutations.
Adi Shankara was an early 8th century Indian philosopher and theologian who consolidated the doctrine of Advaita Vedanta. He is credited with unifying and establishing the main currents of thought in Hinduism.
My "go to" dharana/dhyana. My focus and practice. My contemplation.
My "go to" dhyana is to nudge myself out of multiplicity. I experience myself as formless, unlimited consciousness, the knower, and everything else a play of consciousness on the screen of life, the known. The play normally seems three-dimensional because of the magic of maya.
Inherent in this contemplation is acknowledging that the projection of maya cannot satisfy/protect me, or cause lack/harm me. Thinking otherwise is bondage.
I want freedom. I see myself "unlatching" from the screen of the world going by. I let the illusion of satisfaction and lack slip away. It becomes a dance of light. And I choose freedom, the source. The real prize.
I can only do this because of the grace of my guru, because I have received shaktipat.
Step well
I also use my mind to slip out from the experience of multiplicity. When I am in this state, I experience Oneness, One without second. A singularity. My awareness resides in the great consciousness, the only Self. Immediately I am filled with great bliss.
I can reshape my consciousness like this for several moments at a time.
An interesting aside is that my ability to shape my own consciousness was greatly improved by my years in Wicca, where "spells" are created by this containing and shaping of awareness, a discipline and practice that grows in effectiveness over time.
I also use this skill as a writer of fiction.
Swami Lakshmanjoo:
The word dhyana means “contemplation.” It is another mode in anavopaya (a means of enlightenment). Dhyana is contemplation on some point.
There are different forms of dhyana. For example, you are practicing dhyana when you contemplate on the lotus in your heart, or on the meaning of some mantra such as the mantra “so’ham” or the mantra “Shiva.”
This is a higher form of anavopaya because it is contemplation without any shape, without any form. If you were to contemplate on Lord Shiva as having a particular form, a particular shape, that is a lower form of anavopaya. It is contemplation with form.
Realization isn't about getting from point A to point B, from now to the goal. I am ever traversing everything in between, all in an endlessly varied order. God's will is unfettered.
Maya plays. All of this doesn't look like God because of the magic of maya.
To continue to (pursue illusion and) swim with or against the current, to strive to control or change this in one way or another, causes karma and pain.
Accept grace. Look at the known (objects that make up the play) with the knower's eyes. Be the awareness.
The Bhagavad Gita, The Song of the Lord, is chanted from a Sanskrit text of 18 chapters and 700 slokas (verses). If you're new to the Gita, you might begin by listening to a chapter while you study, work or relax. You will notice at a certain point that your mind will become clear and steady, and your spirit will feel uplifted. Try listening to all of the Gita. Both of the renditions below include all 18 chapters. There are many more versions on YouTube, etc.
I enjoy listening to the Gita while I attend to the duties of my home life. My experience of devotion and my focus on my spiritual intentions are blessed and lifted up to a higher level of ease and joy.
You may choose to study the Bhagavad Gita, in which Lord Krishna reveals the highest forms of Yoga to Arjuna--and all of his devotees. My personal favorite translation for study is Jnaneshwar's Gita, which includes the exquisite commentary by the beloved Marathi saint Jnaneshwar in the English translation by Swami Kripananda.
You may decide to learn how to chant the Gita. Chanting with a video offering clear and correct pronunciation of the Sanskrit will help. Any time spent, no matter the proficiency or lack thereof, will bear tremendous spiritual fruit. The Gita contains loving and precious revelations from the Lord himself. Find the precious jewels waiting in the Bhagavad Gita for you!
The Mahamritunjaya Mantra is found In
the Vedas in three places: 1) the Rig veda VII.59.12, 2) the Yajur
Veda III.60, and 3) the Atharva Veda XIV.1.17. The Vedas are
generally agreed to have been completed sometime between the 12th to
the 10th centuries BCE. If I understand correctly, this ancient,
codified philosophy was memorized and passed on by Brahmin priests
until writing was invented, when it was written down as scriptures
still widely studied to this day.
ॐ
ॐ त्र्यम्बकं
यजामहे सुगन्धिं पुष्टिवर्धनम्
उर्वारुकमिव
बन्धनान्मृत्योर्मुक्षीय
माऽमृतात्
Om tryambakaṃ yajāmahe sugandhiṃ
puṣṭivardhanam
urvārukamiva bandhanānmṛtyormukṣīya
mā'mṛtāt
Literal Meaning of the Maha Mrityunjaya
Mantra:
ॐ aum = is
a sacred/mystical syllable in Sanatan Dharma or Hindu religions, i.e.
Hinduism, Jainism, Buddhism & Sikhism.
त्र्यम्बकं
tryambakam = the three-eyed one (accusative case),
त्रि +
अम्बकम् = tri + ambakam =
three + eye
यजामहे
yajāmahe = We worship, adore, honour, revere,
पुष्टि
puṣṭi = A well-nourished condition, thriving, prosperous,
fullness of life,
वर्धनम्
vardhanam = One who nourishes, strengthens, causes to increase
(in health, wealth, well-being); who gladdens, exhilarates, and
restores health; a good gardener,
पुष्टि-वर्धनम्
= puṣṭi+vardhanam = पुष्टि:
वर्धते अनेन तत् =
puṣṭiḥ vardhate anena tat (samas)= The one who nourishes
someone else and gives his life fullness.
उर्वारुकमिव
urvārukam-iva = like the cucumber or melon (in the accusative
case); or like a big peach.
Note: Some people have decomposed the
compound urvārukam in this way: 'urva' means "vishal" or
big and powerful or deadly; 'arukam' means 'disease'. But urva
(उर्वा) does not mean 'vishal'
in Sanskrit; Another way: uru: big, large; ārukam (in the accusative
case): peach; iva: like.
बन्धनान्
bandhanān = "from captivity" {i.e. from the stem of
the cucumber} (of the gourd); (the ending is actually long a, then
-t, which changes to n/anusvara because of sandhi)
Note: bandhanān means bound down.
Thus, read with urvārukam iva, it means 'I am bound down just like a
cucumber (to a vine)'. If you read it with mṛtyormukṣīya it
means 'liberate from the bounds of death'
मृत्योर्मुक्षीय
mṛtyormukṣīya = Free, liberate From death
मृत्यु:
+ मुक्षीय = mṛtyoḥ +
mukṣīya= from death + free (Vedic usage)
माऽमृतात्
mā'mṛtāt can be translated in a number of different ways:
1) मा +
अमृतात् = mā + amṛtāt =
not + immortality, nectar
Translation would be: (Free me from
death but) not from immortality.
2) मा (माम)
+ अमृतात् = mā (short form
of mām) + amṛtāt = myself + immortality
Translation would be: Give me some life
rejuvenating nectar
3) मा (माम)
+ अमृतात् = mā (short form
of mām) + amṛtāt = myself + sure, definitely
(A gentle hand). Be still. Smile. Find wholeness within.
Oh! Oh no!
(A reassuring touch). Be still. Smile. Find contentment within.
God is at play here.
The entirety of God is here. I find it inside. Always here for me.
At last I can catch myself at the start of the surge toward or away from. Soon after an instant in which I have travelled so far, and not at all.
My dharana: I look around with a new awareness, strengthened each day with practice.
There is only One here.
My dharana: All of this, including me, is One. How peaceful it is to have no other. Endless, perfect solitude. This unity consciousness surges through me as great bliss.
How my Lord loves to be found, observed and known with the awakening gaze of one who has slept.
I awaken in Your arms.
How my Lord loves to be found, observed and known with the awakening gaze of one who has slept
Yesterday I felt this immense experience and manifestation of grace. Yesterday.
How can I keep that going? How can I hold onto it, build on it, and not let it slip away? asks my mind. Am I losing what is precious, and missing a precious opportunity to have what I most want in this life? There will be devastating regret. So says my mind's mighty "fear of regret" samskara.
Thinking I have to build on grace is an attempt to add to what is divine and unlimited. No.
(Thinking of) yesterday happens only in my mind. Why hang out in my mind when all that I most want is already attained??
Lord Krishna looks on as Arjuna kneels to receive the
precious gift of bow and arrows from Lord Shiva
I help my mind. A dharana.
What about today? Now? What is the sadhana of my heart, where there is no "here" or "there," no limitations, outside of time?
Start here: Offering the fruits to Krishna is the beautiful pranam of my soul. He is always there with a playful, gentle surge of love. Play, he says. When Krishna shakes his curls, the play of the world surges with universal longing.
There is a most precious gift of grace in this moment. Become that.
My mind keeps running around! Around!! GET BACK HERE.
My mind might run, but I'm the one who likes and believes in the feelings of gratification it seeks. I choose to pursue them.
Tiny little lights that sparkle and charm, that make me shimmy a little with excitement and release. In this way I miss out on the true treasure.
The Guru's feet symbolize a divine mystery, the place where Guru
and disciple meet as One in the ocean of divine consciousness
The place of action is to look at it, to put consciousness on it. What is this? Why do I pursue soimething that is not really there?? I believe over and over in gratification, and think I am achieving it, even if only for a moment. More pursuit. Repeat.
It's a sparkle!. A shimmer! A happy shimmy! No more. NO SUBSTANCE.
I want what is real.
I have disciplined my mind in key ways. This is next. I no longer believe in gratification.
"I don't believe in ________" is my playful way of saying _________ is an illusion."*
I don't believe in suffering. Suffering comes from wrong thinking. It is only consciousness. Nothing happens to me.
Now, I do not believe in gratification. Believing in it is followed closely by thinking I am experiencing lack, or frustration. None of these things are actually happening to me.
I don't want to fly on this mental swing, mistaken storymaking anymore.
Consciousness dissolves consciousness.
The place at the Guru's feet is a place of surrender which transcends the physical.
The physical Guru offers service to Her disciples by accepting this worship of
Paramashiva, the Guru that is all. Worship at this place is beyond profound.
*In Kashmir Shaivism, everything is made of divine consciousness, which is real. This includes consciousness as delusion. Everything. It isn't things or consciousness that are not real.
The beginning of delusion is to believe in something that is false. The experience of delusion is persisting in being mistaken.
There is no unity. No focus, none. I am undone. No boundaries around my consciousness. Free floating.
And yet, I find words.
Several times per hour. Several times per minute. I open inside to the bliss, the expanding place of sacred trust inside. Dare I say it?
It is always there when I reach for it. Then, bliss. Head falling forward, spontaneous meditation.
The play is made of fading, transparent movements on the walls of my consciousness. Thinking I am interacting with that is unhappy delusion and empty frustration.
I am this place inside. I am alone. I am One.
I have chosen. No going back.
I am yours, dearest, sweetest Lord Krishna.
Hare Krishna . Hare Krishna . Krishna Krishna . Hare Hare
When that time will come? I want to ask You, when that day will come for me, when that day will appear, when I will leave all other things, all of the other activities of the world, and be focused only to that point, i.e., just to embrace You and taste the nectar of that nearness of that devotion, love? When that day will come for me? Tell me.
Tonight I was working on my aquarium, arranging my new plants. I was bent over the top of my tall tank, rearranging the wood. My left arm was up as I grabbed the wood. It was a little precarious.
There. At my left side. A gentle touch, steadying me. A soft touch, with pressure that radiated gently. It lasted for several seconds.
"Who is here?" I asked aloud. I could feel someone's presence. "Is it you?" She has visited me before.
The slight pressure was gone, but there was still the feeling, the shakti of this touch. It lasted for an hour or so. It was on my side under my arm, even with my heart.
Steady. Be steady.
Like the touch that breaks the egg, the symbol of the ego, this touch changed my subtle body, releasing a layer of constriction and impurities.
Direction from the guru is priceless. I have learned about confidence. Now I will work with being steady, and I will learn about taking the guru's direction through steadiness.
Everything for me is about freedom. Freedom from wanting and avoiding, freedom from satisfaction and lack. To see with the eyes of worship and love every molecule, in every place, as every movement... Shiva sporting as Shakti, as all, as me. That is all that there is.
