Billions

I have learned a thing or two about burning. Lucky me!!

To burn is to be purified. The investment of belief and time in something is not usually removed without burning. Burning sets me free.

Guru's grace is the fire, the purifying kundalini rushing up through me, like a silent, temperature-less fire made of consciousness, the ultimate consciousness that is not bound in any way.

Sometimes I hear her, rising like bubbles through the akasha, then the little vision showing me that what rises is beyond water or air, but is consciousness rising as fire. Strange, that God would create so many layers and mechanisms behind the seen. At last I understand that God goes everywhere, takes shape as all possibilities, all Gods, all pathways home. It is pleasing to journey for a time beyond the seen before arriving home, to experience the play at every tattwa, every layer of the descending and ascending divine.

 

Purification comes in waves. I am finally learning to not ascribe attainment to any stage of purification, including feeling perfectly One with the center place, silent and unmoving, no now or here, only potential, only love and bliss. All that I am and all that I feel are mine through guru's grace. What it means about me is a senseless question, a moment of plundering by ego and mind.

(Hey! That sounds like an attainment!!)

I find that purification means I have to feel it again, experience what it was like to believe as I once did that it was happening to me, which created karma, a cosmic debt. I invested in delusion, in bondage. The way to get my investment back is to go through it again, and throw the yoke off.

Many around me are still invested in the play. God is at play in many forms. Then some of us feel the need to return to God, and the burning begins. I please God as He experiences as me every nuance of return to Self, every tiny step, every breath made of purest longing.


The fire is a very very intense version of "circumstances" which I bought into. What I believed in becomes fuel for the fire. To be free, I must burn off the debt, my investment in the play, experience it with such an intensity that I see it anew, laugh or cry, throw it off and leave the burden to be reabsorbed by consciousness.

I remember once a wise person said that we need to take our hands off the rear view mirror of life and place them on the steering wheel.

If life is the car, then holding onto the mirror is believing that I am somehow directing or controlling events. I turn the mirror this way and that and notice changes, believing that I am the source of change in the events around me. To place my hands on the wheel is to realize that I make choices, but I have nothing to do with how things go. They just do. I have the wheel, I may turn this way or that, but all of THIS is God and God doesn't invest power over the joyous unfolding of consciousness in little me.

OMG can you imagine how tiny, painful and drab life would be if little me was really in charge??

Life is inspiration and intelligence, free, free beyond any measure or understanding. It is wild and wooly and starts with an exquisite planet surrounded by space and the bodies of space that goes on for such distances that the light from what is there now cannot be seen here for about 3.8 billion years, and that's a long time and far far away... and all one tiny seed in the place of potential.

Perhaps we are all that old.

Pack your bags

When he steps off the balcony, when magic holds him up, that is You...

When he commands without touching, takes life without mercy, that is You...

The evil can only slip past me, your Many mightily arrayed as the One, the beggar, the king, the redemption of the evil One... it is all You.

I still hear always the bubbles rising, the prana rising through the akasha, sometimes a melodious tinkling... that is my nada.

I was almost asleep, and I realized for the first time in many months, the sound of the plane warming up on the tarmac was gone...(!) It was fading, but I never thought it would leave.

(Will you not take me, My Love? I am the place of your smile, the drift of your half-closed eyes... You flow to me as your embrace, the sacred Ganga Maa... dancing down through the Himalayas to the place of stillness, never forsaken, the beautiful one, Kashi... Veranasi... and Surya, the rising sun. Pranam...)

"With what?" I looked around, saw nothing I needed to carry, nothing that wasn't me.

I was almost awake, and then I heard in a woman's voice, clearly... (I thought someone was in my apartment).

She said: "Pack your bags."

Ready for take off

I have had one continuous nada (divine sound) all year. Others have come and go, including the exquisite tinkling sounds I love so much. The continuous nada is the plane warming up on the tarmac. It is quieter now. I only really hear it when I listen for it, always there, still there.

Clearly I am being invited to step onto a flight going who knows where, leaving all of this behind. Perhaps I can go whenever I am ready. Perhaps I will be picked up for boarding when it's time to depart.

Perhaps I'm already on board. This seems most likely.

Photo by Keep Your Eyes Wide Open on deviantart

Oh! The first time (except a brief trip in childhood) that I flew in a plane, I was quite scared. I was in my early twenties. We were sitting on the tarmac for almost an hour it seemed. There was some problem, they said. Finally I had the certain realization that the plane wasn't going to take off until I decided I wanted it to. At that exact moment, when I said inside, "okay, let's go...," the plane's engines began to wind up, and the plane began to roll towards the runway.

Now. I have to pause, to ask myself sincerely. If this is it, am I really ready? What does it mean to decide yes, to say yes? It's the biggest "yes" that there is!

I'm testing the waters here, about being okay with moving along to takeoff.

Yes, yes. It is what I want. No doubt. No regrets.

Okay, my Beloved. Let's go.

I am ready for take off.

Remembering you

What if I could somehow put into words...?

How it feels to find You as this private, seeping nectar of sound, playing to me always, as I have answered always... I am this liquid chorus of blood, of veins, of love forever sounding my depths with the oldest of songs, played by this never silent quartet, the chamber music of my heart.

How it feels to sink into this place of complete stillness, of familiar, exquisite intelligence, always here, never distracted, never asleep.

I look around. This is all intelligence.

How it feels to see light as your consciousness, darkness as the silent space where there is no time, no differentiation, only You, only ONE.

To hear the divine tinkling nada in my ear when I love You, look, and see, return your gaze again and again.

And so, I look with love, for there is only You, and your experience... which I think of as me.

And so, I look around with my senses made of worship, touching your consciousness with my own, finding only You everywhere I touch, seek, enter and embrace.

My doubt is You. My choices good and bad, they are all You. This is You, all set in motion, all the Word moving on the dark waters. I cannot fail. I need not struggle, as though there could be anything wrong.

You, You. Only You. My thoughts are You, my breath is You.

I love You so... So deep I embrace You, cast upon Your love with my entire being, my awareness gels and then becomes an ever melting blanket of love soaked warmth and bliss, sinking into everything I know, changing everything behind and beyond what I knew and once thought that I am.

Changed, I can never go back.

Everything, this everything, I know it, I have always known it... I know You.

Becoming You, remembering You, they are the same.

Only grace

Grace like a wave scoops me up
(I need only move towards
my destiny)

Wow. I can see more clearly the opportunity here: To stop pushing!

(Not just, well this is cool I'm learning about this...)

The wages of pushing (extreme rajas) are immobility (tamas, which is the other extreme). The wages of one extreme are the other extreme; an all or nothing life of extremes.

Not only that, but pushing, trying, going for it, doing my best for my own actions to create what I want... is based on thinking "what is" is wrong or not enough, and even worse, thinking that I can mess it all up by not doing "it" right.

("It" is realization, enlightenment, established in the Self).

This is one of the most amazing lessons I am learning in my whole life. Stop. Stop trying so hard. Just stop.

RIGHT NOW: I am teasing my INTENTION and determination apart from the rajasic pushing and pulling and reaching for the goal all the time. Sadhana (spiritual discipline) is offered, not actions driven or calculating. Certainly the guru knows what should happen in what order, for how long, etc. If I stop pushing, I can follow her lead in this way, and learn from it.

How? How to be dedicated without believing in the duality of rajas?

RIGHT NOW: I am learning that any and all progress is GRACE. It is always grace.

The world of God is beauty
The world of grace is
enchantment

When I used to wonder why "advanced" forms of attainment, (like recognizing the consciousness of the Self in the form of prakasha, or all this light around me, etc.), seemed to come immediately and so easily to me. My ego would grasp at this "attainment" every time and try to figure out what it meant about me (I'm gifted, I'm extra smart, etc. ..... ?

I often thought that perhaps I must be picking up from a level of attainment in a previous life.

Perhaps this is also true. But just in the last few days, I have become very clear... THE EXPLANATION IS THIS:

GRACE.

When I can, it's grace. When I see, it's grace. Understand? Kriyas and nadas and the blue pearl?? GRACE.

Attainment? GRACE. Always.

I cannot move up through Shree Maya's contraction, the concealing aspect of divine action, holding the world here at the culmination of the 32 tattvas (stages of contraction of God's consciousness into the manifest world). I must have grace, the revealing aspect of God, to expand even the slightest amount. Grace unfolds as expansion up through the tattvas, in my consciousness. When I can reach and maintain the the awareness of the Supreme Lord Paramashiva, I will have achieved liberation.

Because of grace.

Thank you, _______. Your grace is a priceless gift beyond any reckoning, comparison or measure.

All has changed! As someone who loves to achieve change, this is so exhilarating (ha ha!).

I am surrounded by a
world and an ocean of
perfect grace

Just last week, if I thought (in so many different ways), "Oh, don't slip.... push harder to stay on course... you'll "go back to sleep," you'll miss the opportunity of this moment if you don't keep trying, pushing, going for it. You will lose this gift, this opportunity..."

WRONG. Now, for the first time in my life, I am seeing that awareness is important, focusing my consciousness makes the difference, mindfulness of the moment is a high practice required to reach the goal....

.... BUT I stop right away now when my mind tells me I'm "messing things up," and I feel fear.

This is contraction. This is creating rajas and tamas and karma.

When I don't know what to do, I can choose the freedom of karma yoga. I can perform the actions without claiming the fruits of the action. Lord Krishna will be right there with me in choosing karma yoga as the way out of the pushing and grasping of my mind.

To listen to Lord Krishna's divine
flute is to be enchanted
and led by grace

Thank you, Beloved Krishna, my heart's delight!! You the Lord of true freedom, of maha (great) yoga, of cosmic playfulness and love. I rest my head in devotion on your lotus feet, and offer my worship of your divine love forever.

And so, for the first time in my life, I can choose to be truly free. Truly free! To enjoy where I am, and be amazed by grace and grace and grace in every moment. I do not have to do anything with the grace, apply it just right, contain it or direct it or stretch it out... to make up for my limited, flawed and unworthy nature.

Grace is perfect. Accept the gift, and listen...


To learn the yoga of grace I must GET OUT OF THE WAY.


My ego is severely alarmed by this, ha ha...

My true nature is already here, one hundred percent. Eternal, perfect, worthy in every way. And I get to experience the gift of grace, and the wonderful path of becoming established in this experience of God as my inner Self, just as it is unfolding, just as it is directed by my guru.

All is well. No worries. (Wow...)

Thank you God, who is Paramashiva. I see you all around me as living light. I hear you as divine sounds from the inner world of ALL. I feel you as bliss, the . Because of grace. Always grace. Only grace.

PRANAM.

O divine your lotus feet
the font of your unending grace

Meditation

Thousand Pillars Hall, Meenakshi Temple, Madurai, Tamil Nadu

My meditation yesterday and especially tonight seemed a wobbly balance (back and forth) between almost deep asleep, then pulling back into very deep meditation.

I guessed perhaps Ram joined me in meditation after I posted about him earlier (see below). Earlier today I sent him an email inquiring about signing up for his email course (with my site's URL in the email). I'm pretty damn sure he's a siddha.

I heard nada of various things, I remember a flute (Lord Krishna?)

I've been having some huge, expelling of energy blockages kriyas of jerking about and sometimes making mmmmmmmmmm mmmmmmmmmm mmmmmmmmmAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH sounds(!), my whole body straining as though to expel a mass of energy with the sound. After the sounds, my throat and vocal folds feel stretched and expanded, full of shakti.

Before my meditation my mouth and gums hurt so bad. I thought, maybe meditation will help. During and after meditation I felt so much better, very little pain or discomfort at all. [This reminds me of the cloak of grace I felt around me as I arrived at the dentist's office to have three teeth extracted!] [PS Still very little pain the next day.]

I am filled with love. I am thrilled to be alive, and loving God, who is everything, and everything to me. 

All is quiet

The storm has lifted. All is quiet. I drifted into spontaneous meditation after my morning coffee. Mantra.

Last night, mantra japa in bed, a new nada sound that lasted the half-hour or so until I fell asleep. I don't remember what it sounded like. It seems the various nada are communications: "Yes, mantra."

More burning, fear, red hot! I have to call the student load agency tomorrow (too late today).

Except for red hot emergencies, I'm still on vacation. Gentle. Quiet. Mantra.

Amma means mother

Okay, I am having a rough day. I am contracted, and only feel grace in little glimmers here and there.

I felt a subtle darshan when I came across this photo on "Amma" Sri Karunamayi's website.
  

"Amma" Sri Karunamayi

I still hear the effervescent "prana through akasha" nada sound continuously in both ears.

Thinking about it... for the last couple of days I no longer have the intense compulsion for my blog that I had before (continuously for months).

I can actually sit and look at my computer, and not reach out and grab it (laptop) and dive back in. I can just sit.

I think I almost burned up my ability to focus during months of intense burning of the rajasic compulsions through focusing on my blog.

And now that the compulsion finally seems to have stopped, I am feeling lost.

I was terrified that my ______ benefits had been discontinued. And like the old terror I faced as an adolescent, I wanted to hide. It was too terrifying, fear like molten lead. (I had to make myself go down there, of course not near as bad as I thought).

 "Amma" Mata Amritanandamayi, 
the "hugging saint"
(Wikimedia Commons)

This is all related. 

I finally created adulthood out of forcing myself to do things. Right now I am not doing that, or only when necessary, and it is very different from anything in my adulthood to live this way.

"This way" is waiting, ready to find and learn the new way, one that is integrated, not one of rough pushing of myself, not sacrificing of any tenderness, not pushing out of consciousness the costs of pushing down and out of consciousness. 

(Meanwhile, I'm on vacation).

My Guru, help me to sit with this place, to not be worried if I feel contracted. 

If I am burning this contracted place, help me to offer all of it to the sacred fire, and to seek the center of Shree Agni where my ego and karmas will be burned up. 

I focus with my consciousness, on the contractions as consciousness, as fuel for the fire, which is consciousness. (I love this dharana).

Aum namah shivaya.

PS I have finally accepted my body EXACTLY the way it is. This is HUGE, I tell you <laugh!>. I quit wearing that torture instrument called a bra, which never fits me right anyway. I was given a gift (guru's grace) in finding the most amazingly perfect spaghetti strap top, which I've decided to wear without a bra. I bought several. All of this is a metaphor for my overall spiritual growth right now, which is what this blog has been and is all about. Accept what is. Jettison delusion and whatever else is in the way. I'm alone. Etc.

Follow the divine nada, the internal guide

I am learning so much right now.

I am so used to thinking that God is beyond all comprehension, that everything between us will always be bathed in mystery (while I'm alive).

Lord Shiva on the River Ganges at Rishikesh

And yet, when I worshiped God as Durga, She came to me as Durga.

A long time since I converted to Hinduism, "my" forms of God have finally become very real to me (Paramashiva... as... Shiva Shakti, Shiva Parvati, Krishna, Krishna Radha, and now Durga... and divine grace through my guru). I have grown to be very devoted, grateful, full of worship, glowing with divine love for Paramashiva, the Supreme Lord.

Now that I see how much this has helped me grow spiritually, I can truly see how hard it is for the mind to contemplate God without at least a lingam to represent the formless, or a beloved form to worship and love. 

And so it seems that God is very merciful, and comes to us in the right form(s) for us.

I am always very wary of anything that sounds like: "God is this, but not that." It's a fear of having a system of merit that distorts my life and freedom. 

Sounds like a reasonable fear for a person raised as a Mormon. 

I am not anti-Mormon. But I have never liked (even as a child) that the Mormon theology has almost everything figured out and explained. And yet... here I am all these years later, believing in another universal, all-inclusive system of explanation, part philosophical and part religious: Sanatana Dharma, The Eternal Way (Hinduism

Lord Shiva on the River Ganges at Rishikesh

It seems there is a system, of sorts, for how to understand and implement the process of realization. God gave me the most precious gift of a shaktipat guru. And now God is sending me a constant stream of at least three major kinds of nada (divine sounds), saying: "This way, My Beloved.... to me."

Oh... <swoon>

(Or maybe it's my guru. "This way, grasshopper...")

So then, when when I think to look, I immediately find several sources on the internet about the nada sound(s) and what it means, what to do if it's happening to you, or how to get it to happen to you if it's not (nada as an inner guide during meditation).

And the thing is... THEY DESCRIBED THE SOUND I WAS HEARING.

What are the chances of that? It wasn't so much, "oh, that's what this sound is...," as it was, "Yeah! That's it all right..."

It seems there are plenty of other people having similar experiences to my own. But for the process to be describe pretty much exactly, it's like there's a formula involved... It seems too limited to be REAL.

Lord Shiva on the River Ganges at Rishikesh

I have trained myself to doubt everything, and especially so if it has been laid out exactly, concretely, like Mormonism. I have developed a very strong ability to proceed on hypothesis without ever fully believing in anything. 

I went to college for six plus years, and was trained as a social scientist, which I loved.

I don't know, my mind just can't quite wrap around this yet. Close.

I think this is a mala burning. Really, everything is ONE being, who enjoys forgetting who He is and then revels in the bliss of remembering and returning to Himself. Of course some of that would be the same for "everyone."

Hmmmmmmm....

~ ... ~ ... ~ ... ~ ... ~ ... ~ ... ~

The Three Devis: Lakshmi, Durga and Saraswati 

My name is Jnana, which means "to know" in Sanskrit. I developed a "healthy" skepticism to extricate myself from the black and white "knowing" of Mormonism. By my teen years, I had cultivated this natural contempt for anyone who thought they have a handle on the truth, who thought they knew, better than me, about me... and what I should believe or do. 

But somehow ... I get to have a religion, I get to "know" again. It's exhilarating! 

I truly am Hindu (though I am also more, as I imagine many Hindus are...). And I have a full, robust relationship with God... full, robust belief... and a balanced skepticism.

The emanating consciousness of Shiva

"The healthy mind challenges its own assumptions." ~ The I Ching

"What is wanted is not the will to believe, but the wish to find out, which is the exact opposite." ~ Bertrand Russell

"I tore myself away from the safe comfort of certainties through my love for the truth; and truth rewarded me." ~ Simone de Beauvoir"

Durga Maa

Maa Brahmacharini

PLEASE CLICK to visit my post today for Navaratri 2015 ~ Jana 10/13/15

My heart melted; my guru loves me. I had that experience, the darshan of her love for me.

I was having the darshan of Durga while looking for images of the Devi. I never related to Durga (or the Goddess) before... but my heart melted again... I had Durga's darshan, and I cannot get enough of it, sweet... Durga Maa(!) So sweet.

I was inspired to pray to the Goddess for help. I prayed to Durga as Maa Brahmacharini avatara, (or is she Parvati doing austerities to become wed to Lord Shiva?) I prayed for the grace to create and maintain a purifying yogic fire through my tapas (austerities). 

All at once I noticed that the divine nada that sounds like effervescence with tinkling in the high register got louder. There was a new nada as well, closely resembling the tamboura (which emulates the primary bija (seed) mantra sound "OM." My ears got the "full" feeling I often get when it feels like the sounds are purifying me even more than usual (I don't remember having continuous nada before my "latest" spiritual awakening before the first of this year).

All at once I noticed all that, and in the same moment the mp3 of the mantra that was playing in Windows Media Player skipped, not once, but twice in a row. As in it played the same tiny segment three times in a row before going on as normal. My hair almost rose up, it was uncanny. Unmistakable.

I also noticed (and this is still happening) that the Siddha Yoga recordings of the mantra that I have playing continuously have added instruments or sounds, like, focus on this sound in the mantra.

I really feel that all my nadas are very intimate messages from the divine to me. The scintillate and dance, changing in pitch and tone and many ways "on a dime." A very expressive link.

Today, things are different. I am not as enslaved by the computer. I meditated for an hour (with ten minutes off to feed the cat). I can sit and think about what I want to do next.

Once again I am amazed by the "power of prayer," as Christians call it. Hindus would call it the power of puja (worship), I think, meaning yearning and love manifest as careful and ecstatic ritual and offerings.

I worshipped Durga as Maa Brahmacharini, placing her at the top of my blog. She responded with so much love. Now I know that the Goddess is just as real as God (I know ultimately we are all one).

I did some research on nada on the web, and posted some excerpts (next post). The most exciting thing is the understanding that the nada is something to focus on, a sort of divine guide, so I can be guided within during meditation and my journey to the divine.

Nada: Divine Sounds ~ some selected quotes

A person who is visited by nada, especially during meditation, is known as a nadawala (nada = sound, -wala (suffix) = person)

The Sound of OM, or "pranakasha evokes the sounds produced by the prana, the life-breath, as it vibrates in the inner akasha, the inner space. This unstruck sound, or anahata nada is what yogis listen to spontaneously resounding within their own beings. The many divine sounds resembling the cymbals, crickets, buzzing bees, the conch, etc. gather their attention and pull them deeper and deeper into meditation, thus allowing them to experience higher and higher states of consciousness."(excerpt from Pranakasha: The Sounds of Om)

When the aspirant has recognized this Nada and familiarized himself well enough with it, he will perceive that, contrary to the ever-changing inner and outer conditions that he was used to up to that moment, this mystical sound has a strange unearthly continuity about it.

It can be compared to the soft whisper of the wind and the continuous hissing noise of the ocean waves, with a shrill “ultra” sound on top of it, composed of all the harmonics in the universe. On higher spheres, this sacred Nada will have a strange sort of silvery aspect to it, somewhat similar to the uninterrupted jingling sound of very little pieces of glass, with other smaller, ever more subtle sounds superimposed on it, until finally these finer sounds seem to disappear into infinity." (excerpt from Edward Salim Michael: The Inner Sound: Nada Yoga)

"You might perceive inner sounds that seem like bells, or flutes, or even a hum like an electrical transformer. Some of these sounds are actually just the sounds of your own body: blood pumping, or the electrical energy of nerves and inner ear. Other, deeper, sounds are the "sounds behind the audible sound." It is into this deeper realm that Nada yoga can take you.

Some traditions tell us that this subtle, inner sound originates in the "heart chakra of the subtle body," considered the center of unstruck sound. Yogic tradition connects this inner sound with Kundalini itself.

In Nada yoga you concentrate on these finer and deeper sounds, moving from outer to inner realm, moving awareness from outer to inner sounds (Sanskrit: "nadam"), while all the time gently easing your mind into relaxed concentration and focus. This is a highly enjoyable form of meditation and it's relatively effortless: as you meditate, your entire being, every cell and atom and part of you, is being purified and balanced by the sounds that you are focusing on. Remember, whatever you pay attention to, you become. "Where you put your treasure, there you shall also find your heart." (from Nada Yoga: The Yoga of Sound)."

"The chirping of innumerable crickets and the chiming of many bells sounded in my inner consciousness. My closed eyes quivered momentarily and then they were still. The chirping and chiming sounds merged into one pulsating in-drawing tone of delightful sonority, a lifting and a pulling of tonal power..." (from Yahoo Groups: Christian Mystics: Light and Sound on the Path)

"Man’s life on this planet can be seen as a continuum of expansion and contraction–an endless pulsation controlled by our breathing. We participate at the most gross level in an interactive system of vibration and resonance. The pinnacle of this vibration is the cosmic sound–called nada.

This nada produces space (akasha) which, in turn, produces the other elements of the manifest world (air, fire, water and earth).These elements are at the interface of the gross material world and the subtle non-material world or field. They participate in both worlds as a link.

Akasha is the element of the fifth chakra, Vishuddha (ultra pure), which is the source of speech, listening and creativity. All sound produces akasha. Depending upon the quality of the sound, akasha will be gross or more refined. Among the finest of akashas is surya akasha. The prerequisites for producing such akasha are: precise pronunciation and intonation of mantras as well as the purity of feeling for the divinity within. There are many beneficial effects of surya akasha." (from Inner Tuning: Sounds for Psycho-Spiritual Growth).

Sound and light that leads within

FURTHER READING:

• Bindu Magazine: Nada Yoga ~ outer and inner
• Bindu Magazine: On a wavelength with oneself

Arati puja

In addition to the two constant nadas, I keep seeing little things out of the corner of my eye.

The nada helps my mind. It doesn't have to keep figuring out over and over if my whole life is on a new level (of "attainment"). The nada started when it all started a few months ago, and has been continuous since then. It isn't as loud now. It's barely there, then becomes a little louder when I focus on it. It still changes sometimes. For awhile it was a "ghetto bird," then a cicada (which is funny because I don't like the noise of cicadas, a very loud insect).

A few days again, during my new puja, (I started performing arati daily, a little over a week ago), when I performed arati, on the last circle of the flame I focused in on my subtle mind, and a very bright "flame" flew out and down into my body (visual only, no warmth or sensation).

I love the look of spiritual concentration, or dhyana, on the brahmins' faces in these photos of evening arati at one of the ghats (stairs down to the Ganges River) in Varanasi, India. (I remember this feeling of relaxed, super-focused, very clear buddhi (mind) when I "waved the lights").

Evening arati is given at three different ghats 

(stairs down to the water)

on the River Ganges at Varanasi, India

Renunciation

I renounce portraying myself as an expert on anything. I renounce portraying myself as especially knowledgeable, that any knowledge I possess is a reflection of any special status in relation to others. I possess only knowledge I have received through the grace of another, my creator and my sadguru, and the resplendent grace of my guru. Any knowledge I may have received the grace to be able to offer to another, I can only impart again through grace, which is not my own.

Vishnu's completely captivating incarnation as Lord Krishna

Knowledge is not my own. Grace is not my own. I (small "I") am the vessel.

I (big "I") am all knowledge. I am all grace. I am the soul of all, Paramashiva. I worship my Self as grace and knowledge  (consciousness).

My Beloved Paramashiva, in His human form as the Supreme Person, Lord Krishna, has breathed the true knowledge, the true state of supreme bliss, that of the One who fully knows everything again and again, and delights in the ever-unfolding play, as His divine breath into my right ear.

~ ... ~ ... ~ ... ~ ... ~ ... ~ ... ~ ... ~ ... ~ ... ~ ... ~ ... ~ ... ~ ... ~ ... ~

Lord Krishna leaned down and blew His intoxicating breath into my ear in Muktananda Mandir, August 1999 when I first moved to the ashram. I attended a preparation for the Shaktipat Intensive. The swami's exercise was to ask a divine question, and see what answer we may receive. With my eyes closed, the Lord delighted in bending down as though to whisper the answer in my ear. Then, my little world fell away and became the universe, and I knew His home and vantage from the divine playground of stars and the endless magical night of the One, all with the sweet and mighty mirth, the laughing profoundly divine sound of "haaaaauuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhh..." as he breathed His Love and State of Endless Delight into my ear. (I heard tinkly divine nada afterwards).

Wow.

"The world rests as the lotus in the palm of my hand, the cosmos revolves around my finger like a discus. I blow the music of life through my conch and wield my mace to protect all creatures." ~Lord Vishnu (Krsna Upanishad ~ emphasis mine)

Lord Vishnu's conch symbolizes the primordial creative voice in the form of the sacred sound OM, which is said to be the breath of Vishnu, pervading all space. Krishna's flute is also the vehicle of this breath, through which he creates the irresistible melody that each soul hears as our own personal call to return to Him. (adapted from Nitin Kumar of Exotic India Arts).

Maha-Vishnu holds the conch and the lotus, the discus and the mace,
symbolic of His powers, He who sustains the universe.