Magic

My sadhana has become very subtle, outside of my mind, beyond words. I live for my Beloved, who is all the forms of God and the Guru, all that is.

My Beloved, you hide in plain sight as everything, you love me as whomever you find in my heart. You draw me away from attachment to the world of the senses, to the place beyond, the place of magic I have longed for all my life.

Come, I will bring you across...
to me, to my world of magic,
for I created all of this,
I am all of this,
I am all that is inside
I am love
I am love
I am you

All is One

God's light fills me up.

Within and without, it is continuous.

All is One.

The One who slept

Look! Wow!!

(A gentle hand). Be still. Smile. Find wholeness within.

Oh! Oh no! 

(A reassuring touch). Be still. Smile. Find contentment within. 


God is at play here.

The entirety of God is here. I find it inside. Always here for me.

At last I can catch myself at the start of the surge toward or away from. Soon after an instant in which I have travelled so far, and not at all.

My dharana: I look around with a new awareness, strengthened each day with practice.

There is only One here. 

My dharana: All of this, including me, is One. How peaceful it is to have no other. Endless, perfect solitude. This unity consciousness surges through me as great bliss.

How my Lord loves to be found, observed and known with the awakening gaze of one who has slept.

I awaken in Your arms.

How my Lord loves to be found, observed and known with the awakening gaze of one who has slept  

No doing it right

My mind: Do it right for Krisha.

Me: I am Krishna. I am his big toe. There is no doing it right for me.

I am God in motion

I am God in motion. 

"Space and time are God's way of making sure everything doesn't happen at the same time and in the same place." ~ unknown

Everything I touch and see

I no longer feel torn between the world and my true destination.

I have said my goodbyes.

To myself, to everything I say hello.

Everything I touch and see is You. All of this is Your body. Sacred.

From before

When you look around with eyes closed

what do you see?

When you feel more is near, somehow,
someone...

Presence.  Flow.

No words. No names. From before.

Nothing that can be more new to me,

But together, we are so very old.

Someday it will happen to me

When will I find my Beloved? When will my Beloved find me?

From War and Peace 1966

A sweetness flows

When I am the right distance from it all. Consciousness of consciousness, a sweet exchange, quiet inside.

There is a me, because I am made of You. A there. And a here. You.

I finally understand. I finally see.

It is a play, it is pretense of multiplicity. But it is real. Because it is made out of You. This is all You. Inside. All around. I am watching You play. 

When I am the right distance from it all. Consciousness of consciousness. A sweetness flows through it.

Sadhguru: Devotion

"This is something I want everyone to understand: Your devotion is not doing anything to your deity – it is transforming you. If you do not know how to use your devotion to transform you, it becomes deceptive. If you look at things as high and low, superior and inferior, good and bad, you have not tasted the Divine. Don’t look up to anything – don’t look down on anything. If you pay absolute attention to everything, you will see something tremendous in everything. If I see an ant, that ant is my Ishta Devata at that moment..."

"Devotion is a tool to dissolve yourself into what you are doing. This is a way to access intelligence and insight well beyond your normal intellect. You will see things that others would never be able to see. Devotion is not only about going to the temple, breaking coconuts, or doing pooja. Devotion means involvement with no limits, prejudice, and conditions. Who you are dissolves in your activity, as if you are not there. That is when you are a true leader. That is when you are a true devotee."

isha.sadhguru.org/blog/sadhguru/spot/my-ishta-devata/

Your gaze

I see You. I see You behind everything.

Only those who seek the dark and crave all that is wild can see You. Only the chaste bride of all that is without and beyond can feel Your gaze.

I see You. I know You.

Your hair a plasma of dark flames, your garland of ashy skulls, Your only attire a living kindred of deadly snakes.

Your eyes were hidden. But now they are wild upon me.

My Lord. My Lord. Kala Bhairava. Namo namo.

Om Kala Bhairavaya Namo

Who I am

Om Shree Kala Bhairavaya Namo

At last, I understand.

Om Shree Kala Bhairavaya Namo.

The reason I like the night, the dark, the quiet, the eerie, the wistful.

Om Namo Namo.

My sadhana is solitary. Who I am is solitary.

Om. 

My Lord is here, the One who is outside of the circle of life, fierce, dark, the Lord of outermost cold and the innermost flame.

Others run. I open my arms to You, elemental and inexorable, guardian of the temple of my heart—I know you at last. I recognize my Lord, my true Self, my Ishta Devata.

Om Shree Kala Bhairavaya.

Pranam. Namo.

You are the hidden places,
wild and unknown by any but your own

Om. Salutations to You, Kalabhairava, Shiva. I bow to You.

Om namo namo.

I bow again and again.

Om.

At your feet forever.

Om Shree Kala Bhairava Namo

The scenery moves

I am not moving. My body and the scenery moves.

Stepping out of multiplicity

When I step out of multiplicity, I see only one all around me, including "me," little me.

I am. There are no outer senses. I feel that I am. I feel bliss, and a great peace. Wonder, playfulness, joy. The burning desire to love and worship God, my source.

I do not see or hear. No taste, no touch or feeling sensation.

I am not heavy or light. Not cold or hot.

There is only my breathing. Only the bliss.

Then when I can, I step back again. I identify with the One, with Shiva. I have become Him; He looks out through my eyes.

I remember who I am. I remember.

I have no form, there is no space or time. I made all... to play.





Lord you are sweet bliss. The sighs of many contentments. I am on a journey to experiencing this truth: that we are One. You have called me home.

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Yantra sun

When I woke up, before I opened my eyes, in an inner field of night I saw an exquisitely beautiful Sri Yantra shimmering in waves, and then a gold disc that was subtly two discs, one atop the other, or with a small circular place opening (or closing) on the right side.

Cosmic doorbell

All of this is a gift from my Guru.

Imagine my surprise when God has begun to be at play in everything. I experience the play as waves of bliss that I tune into at will, and which tickle me, ringing the universe's most profound doorbell.

But I thought...

Lord Shiva is the Lord of the Dance

I thought liberation would be intellectual, that I would "see" my liberation, mapping it with my mind. But I don't see it with (that part of) my mind.

My liberation dances as bliss.

Now I know why Shiva is the Lord of the Dance. All of creation is dancing. His dance. The dance.

(For the first time I really comprehend how the divine comes to each in their own way).

I feel my liberation like a bubbly plunge into liquid unknown, flowing with the constant certainty of unformed feelings of knowing recognition. With eyes closed I am cresting and sailing without moving, the arching waves of bliss, intelligence at play.

"Whoosh."

There are no rules or concepts to it. No "up" or "down," no "here" or "there," no "this must be ____."

No "inside" or "outside."

That thrill in the story when Sherlock Holmes said it, filling the reader with delight and anticipation that didn't exist in the previous paragraph: "The game is afoot!"

Perhaps I am sometimes outside of the realm of the senses. I have learned how to withdraw my senses for a time, and keep them in check. I have learned how to tamp down my mind, holding it tightly and gently as I am still in the center place. I experience what is outside of my contracted mind, that which contains it.

I recognize in the moment. I don't know what or how, simply a recognition of what is greatest, what is essential.

I am thrilled with bliss, with all that is right here.

Imagine my astonishment when this bliss keeps calling to me, a revelation of dancing both large and small that appears in my stream of consciousness, calling me to open to what is real, filling my heart, the dance.

I did not know. A swirling play of bliss has no blueprint, no rules, no expectations... just The One whirling with bliss that creates an entire universe, *creating and dissolving, all on the fly.

Ecstacy. The Lord of the Dance.

All of this is a gift from my Guru.

Whirling Dervishes in a State of Bliss by Lance-Daniel-Smith

~ ... ~ ... ~ ... ~ ... ~ ... ~ ... ~ ... ~

*In Kashmir Shaivism, Shiva is the supreme creator and performs five functions: creator, sustainer, dissolver, concealer and revealer

The One's design

Aramaic writing

There are things that are a pleasure for my self as Self. My heart glows, my chakras warm and glow. The memories in my subtle body are awakened.

My sadhana includes moments of recognition of the Self, remembering places and times, all of which I can revisit as I recognize them in art, writings, and places.

This form of pleasure is one part of the One's design.

Basalt funeral stele bearing an Aramaic inscription, c. seventh century BC. Found in Neirab or Tell Afis (in present-day Syria). It is currently located at the Louvre Museum in Paris, France. H. 93 cm (36 ½ in.), W. 34 cm (13 ¼ in.), D. 14 cm (5 ½ in.). (Originally uploaded by Jastrow in 2011. This work has been released into the public domain by its author. This applies worldwide.)

Treasures in my heart for You

"He who perceives Me everywhere and beholds everything in Me 
never loses sight of Me, nor do I ever lose sight of him." 
Lord Krishna—The Bhagavad Gita VI:30

The Guru within is everything I desire, that which I have sought all my life. And we are becoming One! We are each other's destiny. 

The Guru is here, has been here all along. My own self, everything. Everyone kept saying, but now I know.

You can't make this stuff up.

I am blessed beyond every blessing. 

I worship You with every moment of worship I have ever felt or offered over lifetimes, stored as treasures in my heart for You. 

Reaching to that One

Evening arati in Varanasi

I used to think that worship was about the form. Focus on the form to get it right. Figure it out. Do it. Do.

Doing gets in the way for me. There is no where to get to, no fantastical doorway to somehow open if I progress enough. This got in the way.

Now. Here. Nowhere to go. God.

When I view the beautiful photos of the arati in Veranasi and Rishikesh, the brahmins are not looking here or there, close or far. They are looking at what is always, and what is everywhere, that One. That is their worship. Seeing with the heart, offering what is best, joining the Beloved, dissolving in Him as bliss.

They wave the lights, then hold them higher, highest, holding long....

Worship. Love. Reaching to that One.

Ganga. Surya. Shiva. 

Never forsaken.

God.

Evening arati in Varanasi

Free

Evening aarati at Rishikesh

I was so attached to the story.

I pulled away from it, a little every day. For years. I wanted to be free of it, to only live in the inner world.

And now. To my great surprise.

This is who I am, where I am. I don't have to get somewhere here or away from here, now or later. God is me... as this.

Enjoy it! Be of service. I am free.

Free.

I worship You, I worship You

So great that You are everything and everywhere I go