The Four Schools of Kashmir Shaivism by Swami Lakshmanjoo

Swami Lakshmanjoo was a Kashmiri scholar, teacher, guru and holy man who received the non-dualistic philosophy, teachings and shakti of the lineage of Kashmir Shaivist Masters, handed down from around the 8th or 9th century CE. Swamiji made these teachings available to his students, who recorded his transmission of this precious knowledge to them. They have in turn made this knowledge available to the world through recordings and books. 

It is a great service that Lakshmanjoo has done for those of us in the Kali Yuga era, in which many teachings have been diluted and distorted. Swamiji's teachings are fresh and alive with the shakti of his lineage.

Thank you Swamiji, and thanks SO MUCH to John Hughes and fellow devotees for tireless efforts making this wisdom available to all. I highly encourage readers of my blog to consider purchasing this or the other books the Universal Fellowship have produced and which are available at the online bookstore here.

I also encourage you to visit the website, sign up for their amazing newsletter (this post comes from the newsletter), and send a donation if you find this information vital to your life and sadhana, as it has been to mine.

Swami Lakshmanjoo

The Schools and Systems of Kashmir Shaivism

An excerpt from the book:

Kashmir Shaivism, The Secret Supreme, 

by Swami Lakshmanjoo

Copyright © John Hughes
Reprinted by permission

The Schools of Kashmir Shaivism

Kashmir Shaivism is known as the Pure Trika System. The word trika means “the threefold science of man and his world.” In the idea of trika, there are three energies: para (supreme), apara (lowest), and parapara (combination of the lowest and the highest). These three primary energies represent the threefold activities of the world. In the thought of the Trika, therefore, it is admitted that this whole universe and every action in it, whether spiritual, physical, or worldly, is existing in these three energies.

The Trika Philosophy is meant for any human being without restriction of caste, creed, or color. Its purpose is to enable you to rise from individuality to universality. The Trika System is comprised of four sub-systems; the Pratyabhijna system, the Kula system, the Krama system, and the Spanda system. These four systems, which form the one thought of the Trika system, all accept and are based on the same scriptures (agamas). These scriptures form the ninety-two agamas of Shaivism. The monistic Bhairava Shastras are supreme (para) and are sixty-four in number; the mono-dualistic Rudra Shastras are medium (parapara) and are eighteen in number; and the dualistic Shiva Shastras are inferior (apara) and are ten in number.

Pratyabhijna System

The word pratyabhijna means “to spontaneously once again recognize and realize your Self.” Here you have only to realize, you do not have to practice. There are no upayas (means) in the Pratyabhijna system. You must simply recognize who you are. Wherever you are, whether you are at the level of Supreme Being, at the level of yoga, or at that level which is disgusting, you can recognize your own Nature then and there without moving anywhere or doing anything.

For example, take the case of a bride and groom. The woman has not seen her husband-to-be and craves to see him. Concerning him she has only heard praise and glory but she has not actually met him. Suppose this girl and her future husband happen by chance to go separately on the same pilgrimage. When they arrive at the place of pilgrimage, they meet. The girl, however, does not feel any importance in this man because she does not know him to be her future husband. Yet her future husband and this man are the same person. Later, when a friend introduces her to him, telling her that this is the man who is to be her husband, then she is filled with happiness, pleasure, and ecstasy. She realizes that this is the same man she had seen before.

In the same way, reality dawns in the Pratyabhijna system. In whichever level you are situated, do not mind.

"The moment recognition dawns, not only do you instantaneously become divine, but you also realize that you were already divine."

At that moment, you realize that you were already the Lord but did not know it because you had misunderstood yourself.

In the Pratyabhijna philosophy it is your master who tells you, that ‘you are the same person for whom you are longing’, and he teaches you to reach the goal there and then without adopting any means. This teaching, therefore, is situated chiefly in anupaya, which is that means where there are no means at all. It is the recognition that there was nothing to be done and nowhere to go. Here, there is no practice, no concentration and no meditation. By the grace  of your master you realize it and you are there.

The Pratyabhijna system was flourishing in the beginning of kali-yuga. As time passed, however, it became veiled due to misunderstanding. It wasn’t until the end of the eighth century A.D. that the great master Somananda reintroduced the Pratyabhijna system in Kashmir. Somananda’s disciple was Utpaladeva, and his disciple was Lakshmanagupta, and his disciple was the very great Abhinavagupta.

Kula System

The Kula system teaches you how you can live in caitanya  (universal Consciousness), the real nature of yourself, in the act of ascending and descending. While you rise from the lowest to the highest you realize your nature, and while you descend from the highest to the lowest you also realize your nature.

"In the Kula system, there is no break in the realization of your own nature either in the highest or in the lowest cycle. This system, therefore, teaches you how you can live in totality."

In fact, the word kula means “totality.”

In the practice of the Kula system, you have to realize the totality of the universe in one particle. Take one particle of anything that exists in this world; in that one particle is to be realized the totality of the whole universe. The totality of energy is found in one particle. Everything is full of one thing and one thing is full of all things.

The difference between the Pratyabhijna system and the Kula system is, that the Pratyabhijna system teaches you how to realize your own nature in one place and exist there, reside there. While the Kula system teaches you how you can rise from the lowest degree to the highest degree, and all the while, experience the nature of your Self on the same level and state. Shiva, which is realized in prithvi tattva (earth element), is the same level, the same reality of Shiva which is realized in Shiva tattva. Here, there is complete realization in every act of the world.

The Kula system was introduced in Kashmir in the beginning of the 5th century A.D. by Shri Macchandanatha. Later, in the 9th century, because its teachings had become distorted, it was reintroduced by Sumatinatha. In the line of masters that followed from Sumatinatha, Somanatha was his disciple. Shambhunatha was the disciple of Somanatha, and the great Abhinavagupta was the disciple of Shambhunatha.

Krama System

The Krama system does not recognize the ways of either the Pratyabhijna or the Kula system. In the Krama system, you must rise in succession, step by step. This system teaches that step-by-step realization makes your realization firm. As the Krama system is concerned with successive realization, it is primarily concerned with space and time, because where there is succession there you find the existence of space and time. In both the Pratyabhijna and Kula systems you are beyond space and time. In the Krama system, it is in the end, not in its process, that you are beyond time and space because it also carries you to that timeless and space-less state.

"The Krama system is primarily attributed to shaktopaya and to the twelve Kalis."

The twelve Kalis are said to be the twelve movements of any one cognition. For example, if you look at any object such as a pot, the sensation travels from your thought to the place of the pot, and then returns again from the place of the pot to your thought, giving you the sensation whereby you realize this pot. You do not realize this pot at the place of the pot, you realize this pot in your mind. Your perception has moved from inside to the pot, and then returned again from the pot to your thought. And these movements are distributed in twelve ways as the twelve Kalis in the Krama system.

The rise of prana kundalini is also described in the Krama system, because in prana kundalini you rise from one cakra to another, from one state to another state. As this is a successive process it is found in the Krama system.

Although the Krama system existed in the beginning of kali-yuga, having been introduced by the sage Durvasa, it was reintroduced at the end of the 7th century A.D. in Kashmir by the sage Erakanatha, who was also known as Shivanandanatha. Shivanandanatha had only three chief disciples which he initiated into the Krama system. Because in this system predominance is given only to shakti, all three were females. Their names were Keyuravati, Madanika, and Kalyanika. They were quite prominent and were completely informed in the Krama system. Afterwards, these ladies also initiated disciples, which were both male and female.

Spanda System

The fourth system, which comprises the Trika philosophy, is called the Spanda system. The word spanda means “movement.”

"The Spanda school recognizes that nothing can exist without movement. Where there is movement there is life, and where there is no movement that is lifelessness."

They realize that there is movement in wakefulness, dreaming, deep sleep, and turya [void]. Though some thinkers argue that there is no movement in deep sleep the philosophers of the Spanda system realize that nothing can exist without movement.

The teachings of the Spanda system, which is an important practical system, are found embodied in the “Vijnana Bhairava Tantra,” the “Svacchanda Tantra,” and in the 6th chapter of the “Tantraloka.”

The Spanda System was introduced in Kashmir by the great sage Vasuguptanatha in the beginning of the 8th century A.D. Vasuguptanatha is the author of both the “Shiva Sutras” and the “Spanda Karikas.” The disciple of Vasuguptanatha was Kallata.

Some teachers think that the "Spanda Karikas" were not composed by Vasaguptanatha but rather by his disciple Kallata. This theory however, is absolutely incorrect.

Swami Lakshmanjoo with John and Denise Hughes and their daughter, Shanna.

SOURCE: KashmirShaivism, The Secret Supreme, 

by Swami Lakshmanjoo

Reprint by permission

All Content is subject to Copyright 
Copyright © 2016 John Hughes. All rights reserved.

Billions

I have learned a thing or two about burning. Lucky me!!

To burn is to be purified. The investment of belief and time in something is not usually removed without burning. Burning sets me free.

Guru's grace is the fire, the purifying kundalini rushing up through me, like a silent, temperature-less fire made of consciousness, the ultimate consciousness that is not bound in any way.

Sometimes I hear her, rising like bubbles through the akasha, then the little vision showing me that what rises is beyond water or air, but is consciousness rising as fire. Strange, that God would create so many layers and mechanisms behind the seen. At last I understand that God goes everywhere, takes shape as all possibilities, all Gods, all pathways home. It is pleasing to journey for a time beyond the seen before arriving home, to experience the play at every tattwa, every layer of the descending and ascending divine.

 

Purification comes in waves. I am finally learning to not ascribe attainment to any stage of purification, including feeling perfectly One with the center place, silent and unmoving, no now or here, only potential, only love and bliss. All that I am and all that I feel are mine through guru's grace. What it means about me is a senseless question, a moment of plundering by ego and mind.

(Hey! That sounds like an attainment!!)

I find that purification means I have to feel it again, experience what it was like to believe as I once did that it was happening to me, which created karma, a cosmic debt. I invested in delusion, in bondage. The way to get my investment back is to go through it again, and throw the yoke off.

Many around me are still invested in the play. God is at play in many forms. Then some of us feel the need to return to God, and the burning begins. I please God as He experiences as me every nuance of return to Self, every tiny step, every breath made of purest longing.


The fire is a very very intense version of "circumstances" which I bought into. What I believed in becomes fuel for the fire. To be free, I must burn off the debt, my investment in the play, experience it with such an intensity that I see it anew, laugh or cry, throw it off and leave the burden to be reabsorbed by consciousness.

I remember once a wise person said that we need to take our hands off the rear view mirror of life and place them on the steering wheel.

If life is the car, then holding onto the mirror is believing that I am somehow directing or controlling events. I turn the mirror this way and that and notice changes, believing that I am the source of change in the events around me. To place my hands on the wheel is to realize that I make choices, but I have nothing to do with how things go. They just do. I have the wheel, I may turn this way or that, but all of THIS is God and God doesn't invest power over the joyous unfolding of consciousness in little me.

OMG can you imagine how tiny, painful and drab life would be if little me was really in charge??

Life is inspiration and intelligence, free, free beyond any measure or understanding. It is wild and wooly and starts with an exquisite planet surrounded by space and the bodies of space that goes on for such distances that the light from what is there now cannot be seen here for about 3.8 billion years, and that's a long time and far far away... and all one tiny seed in the place of potential.

Perhaps we are all that old.

This is what changed my life and put me on the path, here at the door to the very heart of God

I have the darshan of HH the Dalai Lama with this picture, especially of his fearlessness

Today I will write about what changed 

my life and put me on the path, 

here at the door to the very heart of God

I accepted that I am alone. 

I choose being alone. I quit fighting it, as I have fought it every day since childhood. I quit trying to change myself in every conceivable way so I might connect with others. I replaced my fear of being alone with choosing to be alone.

Nothing is the same.

The transforming power of acceptance came to me without trying or seeking it, without knowing I was about to change everything. I accepted myself and all of this followed. All of it, what I've documented here on my blog. I didn't know I was documenting a vast change, a "sea change," as they say.

I renounced everything that was distracting me from my journey to God. 

I became a renunciant. I didn't set out to be a renunciant. But now I am. (I discovered the word "renunciant" on the internet after I became a renunciant). The most important thing to realize about this choice is that I am not renouncing anything that is truly a part of me. I am renouncing obsessions, unattainable goals I have clung to, delusions and distractions that are in the way of my relationship with my self and God.

I realize now that choosing a solitary life goes with my age (54) and time of life, known as sannyasi in India, the time when the individual can withdraw from the demands and values of the world and turn all their energy to their spiritual life. However, I am a renunciant without vows or pilgrimage; I am not taking sannyasi vows or moving to the high mountain forest or monastery.

And so, in 2013, I renounced the pursuit of more than basic social relations. If I were a nun or a hermit, people would understand. A solitary life is the best for my new life as a sadhaka, a sadhini, who spends her life seeking God through my chosen form(s) of yoga. The life of a wandering sadhu is analogous to my "wandering" through modern, materialistic culture, alone and without the burden of social and career goals and activities. Now I can focus on God, my true heart's desire.

And so, in 2013, I also renounced trying to obtain status through success in a job or profession. This was hard for someone who embraced scholarly learning in early adulthood and obtained multiple degrees to seek an accepted place in the world.

And so, in 2013, I finally accepted my body. I found the courage to accept my body as it is. I accept that I am fat. I want to type: "I accept that I am overweight." Why? I'm fat. Until I'm not. I no longer need the opinion and regard of others. And for me to reject my body or any part of me is folly. For this lifetime, this body is my carriage. I love this body. I want to accept and nurture it. Hating it won't make it thin. No matter what happens, I can only start HERE.

It seems a fine line, but really, I am not fat, my body is. There is everything to be obtained by accepting that at this moment my body is fat, and nothing to be obtained by rejecting this truth, fighting it with every breath at the cost of everything NOW, which is all that is real in any case.

Let's recap: My body is fat. Until it's not. 




Alone, underemployed and living large in Las Vegas. I'm just one hell of a radical! 

And so, in 2013, I gladly accepted exactly who I am right now. 

And then I turned to God, I reached out to God, from a new place of freedom and acceptance. 

And then... 

I received an unexpected, immediate in-rushing of mighty grace.

Because of my guru's grace, my life is transformed. My ability to focus on God is vastly multiplied by her grace, and choosing to focus on God brings me more grace.

Without grace, none of this could happen. This grace is why I can blog (I couldn't be consistent before). The grace is everything I'm blogging about. My spiritual expansion comes from grace.

For the first time in ten years I am meditating every day. My mind is much more steady. My senses are usually controlled (not spewing my shakti all over). I notice ego comparing, etc. right away and am not hijacked by it.

I want to live this life, the one I passionately hated up until a few months ago. I am passionate about living this life.

I miss saying the mantra, listening to the mantra, meditating (when I'm not). I have a craving for.... rice. I am facing the things that I fear, walking right into my fear about losing my ______ benefits, student loan payments applied (and bounced) in error, Sarah calling and all the power she has over my life (...as though we are not both made of the same being, which is Paramashiva's consciousness, the Beloved Shree Devi). 

What can go wrong, really? And no, this isn't mental acrobatics, it isn't a shell game, it's REAL.

It all started by accepting, embracing 

"what is so..." that I am alone. Just me 

and my Beloved. This is my basic practice. 

Because of my guru's grace, I can purify 

my mind as I worship and follow Shree 

Devi Maya up, away from the play of multiplicity, up to "the air up there," 

upon Mount Kailas, where she is the 

form of my Beloved as Parvati, 

where 

Shiva is ALL, 

where there is only ONE, 

where Paramashiva as my own Self

is installed forever in the 

temple of my heart.

OM.

I have since read of a similar philosophy of the transforming power of self-acceptance by Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche and his disciple, Pema Chödrön, of the Shambhala lineage of Tibetan Buddhism.

Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche

“We have a fear of facing ourselves. That is the obstacle. 

Experiencing the innermost core of our existence is very embarrassing to a lot of people. A lot of people turn to something that they hope will liberate them without their having to face themselves. 

That is impossible. We can’t do that. 

We have to be honest with ourselves. We have to see our gut, our excrement, our most undesirable parts. We have to see them. That is the foundation of warriorship, basically speaking. Whatever is there, we have to face it, we have to look at it, study it, work with it and practice meditation with it.” 

~ Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche

Pema Chödrön

"When people start to meditate or to work with any kind of spiritual discipline, they often think that somehow they're going to improve, which is a sort of subtle aggression against who they really are... 

But loving-kindness – maitri – toward ourselves doesn't mean getting rid of anything. Maitri means that we can still be crazy after all these years. We can still be angry after all these years. We can still be timid or jealous or full of feelings of unworthiness. 

The point is not to try to throw ourselves away and become something better. It's about befriending who we are already. 

The ground of practice is you or me or whoever we are right now, just as we are. That's the ground, that's what we study, that's what we come to know with tremendous curiosity and interest."

~ Pema Chödrön, The Wisdom of No Escape and the Path of Loving-Kindness 

Monism versus dualism

from Hindu Dharma Forums

My post re: Monism versus Dualism

Swami Lakshanjoo

For me, one of the essential concepts of Shaivism for helping me to understand the monistic, non-dualism of Kashmir Shaivism are the five functions of Shiva. His divine functions, in addition to the familiar creation, sustaining, and dissolving functions, are the two functions of concealing and revealing.

I experience these latter two functions all around me. The true nature of "reality" has been concealed. We seem to be separate from God (anava mala), the dualism of always liking or disliking this and that (mayiya mala), and thinking we are the root of action (karma mala). Without this, the "game" would be so very short. With it, the game is afoot.

The revealing aspect of Shiva is grace. This is why the guru is known as the grace bestowing aspect of God. To be a guru in a physical body, the master must hold sacred and be one with this power. This is part of why the supreme Sadguru Shiva is portrayed as one who performs austerities and lives the life of a sadhu.

The revealing aspect comes to people through events such as birth, child-rearing, the wisdom of age, and facing death. Also, that special wind in the treetops, the lilting song of the brook, the passing of the seasons. The heroic deeds of others, the spiritual sacrifices of the initiated. These are the sparkles reflecting through, calling to a life beyond this "concealed" life of duality.... when it is time to return home.

All of the sadhana and all of the bliss I experience are prasad from Shiva's experience of returning to himself. Ah, bliss. He has created a part of his consciousness that has forgotten who "I" am, and now can remember, a wonderful journey. 

Being dissolves into being. Consciousness dissolves into consciousness. Bliss into bliss.

Swami Lakshmanjoo photographed after he merged
into the supreme guru, who is Paramashiva. He was age 50.

The other essential concept of understanding non-dualistic monism in Kashmir Shaivism is that the Supreme Lord is unfettered by any limitation to Him or His divine will.

He is God, He is supreme. So if he decides to contract his consciousness step by step through the tattvas, he knows how and is free to do this in a way that does not affect his absolute being at all. 

He is Sat. He has being, which is immutable, unchanging.

He is Chit. Consciousness. He uses his power to create from his consciousness, deified as the Devi Kundalini. She moves as the active aspect of his dance of consciousness down through the tattvas into the form of the created universe.

In Shree Shankaracharya's Advaita Vedanta, the "spatio-temporal" world is an illusion. In paradvaita, the illusion is multiplicity itself. Again, Shree Maya has to hold our consciousness down to the level of this illusion of multiplicity to keep us from flying right back up and realizing there is only One, which of course would be a showstopper.

I have recently come to experience that the burning of the three malas through my sadhana and guru's grace is restoring and establishing the truth as the bliss and freedom which is never truly limited in my true Self, which is Shiva. 

He is ananda, which is bliss.

A blissful Lakshmanjoo

I have become fearless. The mantra is my protection. I eagerly accept every moment of my life, for this burns the malas and I become free, more free every day. It's like a runaway chemical reaction! It's a wild ride, the best.

I had a lifetime, and especially the past ten years of CONCENTRATED PURIFICATION, heavy "circumstances" (karmas) that provided the fuel for my guru's fire, the purification of burning before this stage. When I emerged, my perspective was so different. A large part of the impurities were gone.

Grace is astounding and defies all expectation. My attainment is ALL through my guru and Sadguru. (Thank you...)

Om Namah Shivaya,

jnana shiva

Sour grapes is one thing...

MY "CIVIL RIGHTS" BOARD on Pinterest: pinterest.com/quietplaces/civil-rights-movement

MY PIN of President Obama:
pinterest.com/pin/127437864427352565

Quiet Places (me):
"I've never started a flame war before. I've never had people I have treated with nothing but respect call me stupid, blind, "Obama lovers" and other downright hateful things. Sour grapes are one thing, but you otherwise kind folks have graduated to hating me for disagreeing with you on something we are so lucky to be able to choose: who leads the executive branch of our government for four more years, a branch of government balanced by congress and the supreme court, the checks and balances built into our system of government. If you cannot have faith in our political system, why would you launch such a mean-spirited, venomous attack on those who do? I'm your neighbor, people. The friendly woman who pays taxes, volunteers my time and worships at the church of my choice. I must disagree with you about this one thing: who I voted for does not mean I deserve to be written off and dehumanized by accusations of stupidity and attacks on my character. I know it's tough, but get a grip!"

Is he perfect? Hell no. 
(I don't recall any perfect Presidents...)

The guru is the root of all action

THE GURU IS THE ROOT OF ALL ACTION

 ~ Beloved Jnaneshwar ~
also known as Jnandeva
Jnaneshwar's guru was his
elder brother, Nivritti

I  never heard anyone, guruji or any devotees ever discuss what this means. It is prominently displayed next to the guru's asana (seat).

I turned it over in my mind from time to time, because I did not understand it. (Now I also know what she meant when she said that the mind must be prepared for the teachings).

Only in the last year or two did I learn that the guru is the creator (God), the supreme guru. But I still didn't know what that meant. The guru gets her guru powers from her oneness with Paramashiva?

This is part of why Shiva is portrayed as an ascetic, solitary on Mount Kailash in the Himalayas, with matted jata (locks), mostly naked in the cold, wearing animal skins, sacred ash, mala in hand, deep in meditation. He is the supreme yogi, the supreme guru.

I still didn't understand.

In the last year or so I was learning this and that. I learned about the Trimurti of Vishnaivism, in which Brahma is the creator, Shiva is the destroyer and Supreme Vishnu is the sustainer (and Lord Vishnu took birth as Lord Ram and then Lord Krishna).

Gorakshanath of the Nath Sampradaya

In Shaivism, I learned that Lord Shiva as Supreme over all the other gods performs all five divine functions, including the familiar three of the Trimurti: creator, sustainer, and destroyer (dissolver).

The other two divine functions are that of concealer, and revealer. Shiva conceals with the power of maya, which is illusion. He reveals through the power of GRACE.

I still didn't understand.

My mind finally reached a level of subtlety and purity (I still have lots more to go) where my understanding became full. Ohh.....

The Supreme Lord creates all out of himself... by using his divine will to contract his consciousness into a universe of cause and effect, of limitations (this, not that). In order for the ONE to enjoy this experience of the MANY, he also creates maya, which conceals the singular source of all. The many each think they are one of many. We no longer see a world made out of our self, the one. I think I am Jana, (or Jnana).

Shiva conceals his true nature from himself.... The game is afoot.

But my soul wants to return now. I want to be with my Lord, one with him, safe in his heart. "At last the little stream began meandering toward the sea..." That is where the revealer comes in. The supreme guru has stirred in my heart as the desire to return. He led me to my guru, who is one with his revealing power.

Now I understand.

The lotus rising from the mud below
is a symbol of purity and enlightenment

This small phrase, the guru is the root of all action, refers to truth. A basic truth that must always be understood to live in truth.

All of this is paramashiva. All of this comes from and is moved by the Lord's intelligence as consciousness.

There can be no physical guru without this understanding. It is the source of the physical guru's base and power. If this truth is compromised in any way, the physical guru becomes a teacher with some fancy powers. Powers that can be used to deceive.

To be a guru is to be much more even than a realized being. She is one with the REVEALING power of Paramashiva, the Supreme Guru, which is GRACE. Everything that happens around and from my guru's shakti comes from the Supreme shakti of the Supreme Guru, in Paramashiva's activity as the revealer, the grace bestowing aspect of God..

"The guru is the root of all action."

To be a guru is to be committed to and aligned with the Supreme Guru's grace. Her grace is Paramashiva's grace, given in a very special way. I am so fortunate to receive this grace(!), precious beyond most precious.

My guru is a person, and experiences life. But she is so much more than that. Her life is very different. It is a very high form of seva, service.

Thank you so very much. Thank you for your service and your enlightening, revealing grace.

Lotus seeds

Anava mala

ānavamala ~ I am less than (the) whole. I am without some things. There is always something missing. I cannot be happy until ______________.


OBSESSIONS that ruled my life:

• I will achieve success being with people. I will be with other people; we will share the same world (starting with not being Dorothy, do not be alone, never give up). "I choose to wait until I learn how to be with others..."
• I will achieve success in the world, and be recognized as having special knowledge. I will master (many) arts and skills (skiing, counseling, network administration). "I choose to wait until I am educated to pursue a profession (adulthood)." "I will constantly (try to) create intimacy with others by educating them on what I have learned about __________."
• I will achieve beauty, grace and individuality physically. I will become thin again and express myself through clothes, hair, etc. (being fat precludes individuality). "I choose to wait until I am thin again..."

I recently addressed these obsessions all within a few weeks of each other. My life has been completely transformed. The shakti of my guru has pushed past these rejected limitations, and expanded my life with the knowledge and experience of God. Jaya sadguru.

NOW:

• I have given up on being with other people. I am alone. Period. I only visit others in their world, no one visits me in mine. My world is atma-guru-paramashiva as one. 
• I will never achieve success in the world. I have never mastered anything, except seeking and knowing God. This is now my entire focus.
• I am not waiting until this body is thin to live this life. If I become thin again, I'll know the comfort with my clothes, the flexibility and focus of yoga, and the delight of running will again be mine. Until then... 'I DON'T CARE." At least, most of the time (a huge improvement).

 I love being alone (...with God)