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Sunday, June 2, 2013

No place to go

Naveen Andrews
Juliette Binoche
The English Patient

The minute I heard my first love story
I started looking for You, not knowing how blind that was.

Lovers don't finally meet somewhere.
They're in each other all along.

Jalaluddin Rumi 
(Translation by Coleman Barks)

I am sitting, and all recedes. I feel so different. For the first time, I feel no need to do, be, go or say. I am completely still, inside and out. It is grace giving me the experience of this amazing state.

Nowhere to go, nothing to do, no one to be, I repeat to myself when my mind wants to drift back into action. My mind settles down and I feel no need to change anything at all. I am only barely managing my mind, and all is still.

It is very difficult to describe just how amazing this is. The experience is very sweet, and with a lot of ballast in the stillness. It is profound.

Gone is the impulse to do. Gone! I breathe. That's it.

This is what it is like to be without action inside, the karma yoga lovingly outlined by Lord Krishna in the Gita, the yoga of performing one's dharma (duty) outside while not being attached to the fruits of one's actions (inside).

Naveen Andrews
Juliette Binoche
The English Patient

“I am dying into your mystery, and dying, I am now no other than that mystery.  I open to your majesty as an orchard welcomes rain, and twenty times that.” 

~ Jalaluddin Rumi (1207 - 1273)
(Translation by Coleman Barks)

My Beloved, who is Paramashiva, is coming to me inside as my "crush," Naveen. At the level of consciousness, (and all of this is consciousness), where there is only One, Paramashiva is Naveen and Paramashiva is me. 

[Stalker Free Disclaimer: Don't worry, I realize the Naveen of multiplicity, in the world of the play of consciousness, has his own life that I do not belong in, and nothing about his life belongs in mine (except for his work as an actor and celebrity). I do not know him. If I met this Naveen as anything other than God, i.e. in the world of multiplicity, I would be meeting a stranger].

It is new for me to experience God as though through another aspect or incarnation of His One Consciousness. 

I once had a cat who I had to put down. Someone taught me how to communicate with him inside, in consciousness, so that he could give me his last wishes, a great comfort. Over the years, I have "checked in" with George, and met him inside, where I can recognize his particular presence. We affirm our love and our gratitude.

Now I have reached out inside to my Beloved as Naveen, and God has begun touching me back as "he," my fantasy Naveen made real by God taking this form for me inside during this new stage of sadhana (spiritual work) which is all about the Beloved and burning in the flame of divine yearning.

The Beloved has taken my life as a seeker by storm... by passion.

Who knew? 

This type of burning seems easier, as love is a pleasurable passion. But my passion is for God, and goes deeper than deep. It is beyond pleasure and is almost unbearable at times.

God has come to me inside. He touches me when I get lost, burns me when I search "outside" myself for what I want. He reminds me that He is my body, the sinew and bone, where He surges as my longing through blood and breath, where my tongue (speech) and my eyes (emotions) and my hands (action) and my mind (worship) fall upon Him as the wings of dire certainty from this divine recognition. 

I no longer want anything but my belonging to Him, He fills me with the desire for this oneness with Him.

There is only the Beloved, only this passion play, the play of the One.

My words are for You, my Lord, my Beloved Lord.

Naveen Andrews as Kip
The English Patient

When the sweet glance 
of my true love caught my eyes,
Like alchemy, it transformed 
my copper-like soul.
I searched for Him 
with a thousand hands,
He stretched out His arms 
and clutched my feet.

~ From Thief of Sleep by Jalaluddin Rumi 
(Translation by Shahram Shiva)

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