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Saturday, June 15, 2013

I just stopped

Lord Krishna
O my Lord... Narayana, Vasudeva... How I long for You

My sadhana has been turned on its head. Sadhana is doing... spiritual practices, austerities.

I am not focusing on doing anything.

"Is it enough to know that I am Yours, and You are mine?"


I bring this phrase to mind, and it stops all movement, all "directing" of the stream of my life. I let God fill each moment. I let God ripple and eddy, slip past in the narrow current, bringing more God and more God...

My guru offers much for those who do, who need an action to focus on. She offers a theme for each day in June (today is Joyfulness). I am not pursuing these qualities. I am pursuing or rejecting very little.

Lord Krishna statue
You call, dear Krishna, and my heart takes flight
This is a little different from how I have perceived my beloved Lord Krishna's Karma Yoga (following dharma or duty while remaining unattached to the fruits of action). I am used to thinking of dharma as dictated by right action and obligation to others, i.e. family, society (and "caste").

Instead, I have found myself in this dharma of the now, which is how to love myself, give myself (at last) all this room to breathe, to be and to act as whomever or however I am – and simply want to act –
without editing or interruption... exactly so.

There is room in life for me to be how and who I am; room for error, room for missteps... as I learn to let each step find the way forward.

No amplifying or minimizing. No running after or running away from. No adding up more or lumping together less. 

Life offers in every moment a source of action that has its own logic. I can allow it without choosing or not choosing, acting or not acting. 

It just is.

Stop. I just stopped.

"Me...," I whisper. "Pick me..."

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