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Monday, April 1, 2013

Mauled by the malas

I've emerged into a very quiet, still place. Very quiet. Very still.

I can see in particular how karma mala has been chasing me like a hounded beast.

I've decided I'm finished with it. No more getting mauled by the malas. This means giving up one of my favorite obsessions: that "wasting time" is fun. That avoiding responsibility is the definition of happiness.

This is illusion and obsession. Compulsive activities drain me. I have been staying with them to burn them, I think. But now things are changing. The opportunity...

I had to think very hard for a few moments. Do I really want to proceed? I'll never be the same again. My life will never be the same.

The point of no return?

I feel like I'm saying goodbye to "human," and hello to "divine." For now it's a sobering choice (there will be bliss...)

Yes, I say to the guru. Let's proceed. I'll sit back a bit, waiting for the cue of how to proceed.

I realize that the life of a sadhini takes focus. I can't really take a break from my practices (austerities, tapas... mantra, meditation, etc.). The yogic fire must be stoked and maintained.

I have to be careful of distractions. This wasn't such an issue until this point in my sadhana.

I tried to watch "The Walking Dead." How different it is now! I'm too sensitive for this raw emotion and action. I've never been that way before (I'm a physical and an emotional tomboy). I have decided to cancel the satellite TV. I don't watch TV more than once per week (except for Craig Ferguson, the delightful Scottish perv). Almost $80 a month for once a week? That's $20 a shot.

It's like my diet. It has just happened, since I was sick. Mostly rice, plain white jasmine rice, cooked on the stove with extra water to make it soft. A few other things. The diet of a sadhini, sattvic, light, simple. Plus, I haven't smoked since the beginning of February. And I am trying out being a vegetarian. I just can't digest the meat properly. And it has "bad energy" in it.

The world by campfire
shrinks down to an
intimate size
I've decided it is best to be somewhat "messy" right now. I don't have the "lined up" energy to keep things very clean. I guess I'm still on vacation (laugh!) I'll just hold the line at frightening. No worries.

My intention is to continue maintaining my yogic fire through regular practices of "viewing (it) as consciousness," japa mantra, meditation, study of Sanatana Dharma online and in my books and scriptures, brahmacharya (celibacy), poverty, and the solitary life of a blissful sadhini. Also, I play the mantra almost all the time both on my laptop and in the bedroom.

Maintain the yogic fire... pranam and praises to Shree Agni.

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