Yearning

So much yearning, I cannot sleep, I sleep with no covers in January, I go out in a t-shirt and sandals in January. I am hot, hot with desire.

I long for you, my Beloved. This longing is all I possess, I carry it for You. The torch of my heart.

Let me be burnt up so I can be One with You.

Yearning...

The common soul of tweets

I drag my myth around with me

The common soul of tweets

... and everything returns to where it always belonged ...

Divine love: The common soul of tweets

Came across this tweet: "Something is happening and I'm no longer resisting."

The theme song for (my) now...

...Reminds me that "we" are all on this ride, and the currents of divine love cradle us all.

PS I know... mixed metaphors!

The grace of my guru

I chose to step back, my attachments falling away. I turned away from the world, still there, still my story, but not in my heart, not the story of my love.

God is here, in my heart. There is only this love. Doing is what happens. Love is what is.

I notice right away every time ego tries to take credit, to say this is me. And I am not often trapped by the habits of limited consciousness. I can feel the worst, the deep messy day of swirling feelings, and calmly await whatever is next. I have the freedom to not give up my freedom, over and over in many ways.

Over and over, when once it was days... now it is hours or minutes until I turn back inside to the welcoming bliss. I sink into the bliss and am absorbed by the one I love. I look at "myself" and all "around me" and it is all He. 

There are so few words to describe it; I walk about in this state, carried on this sure current of bliss and love. 

The karmas that burn are like a quiet festival of memories slipping by... slipping by.

There is only this love, and indescribable bliss. Bliss and love are dissolving me, my heart's desire. There is nothing possibly better than this fate: an infinitely moving act of love has overtaken me. 

There is no more waiting. Not because I am finished being dissolved by Love. It is because I have chosen my place in the arms of my Beloved, I share His bliss in all things.

How did this happen? There is only one way.

The grace of my guru.

A sweet darshan

I always experience a sweet, calming darshan when reading the Sri Kaleshwar email newsletter and visiting their beautiful website.

The parade

There's a place in the middle of all of this, where I am not moving, where I am never moving. I have never moved.

I knew this when I was a child. My world was made up of weeds in the breeze in the sun by the mud where the polywogs swam, and I pulled off the leeches, ran to the trees, swinging and climbing.

The air. The air was so sweet.

I looked at it all and I knew there was a place for it all, a place that never moved.

The parade was for me.  

Arms of bliss

When I see this all as intelligence at play... when the play of multiplicity disappears... it is because I slip into that place in myself.

It is not because I struggle, or practice austerities, or follow the techniques that are the way to freedom for some.

I find the truth in now, and know I am free now.... I am filled with the bliss now.

This is bhakti to me. This is powerful. Bhakti is described as the longest path to liberation, because it is not built on discipline or austerities. I must disagree.

Discipline is letting go of the karmas when they catch on fire, and turning to my Beloved instead.

Divine technique is loving my Beloved first in all things, always first.

Austerities are offering my ego and everything to my guru, every day. Noticing what is limited and letting it go, including things most treasured and loved for lifetimes. Choosing my Beloved instead.

Every time I choose my Beloved, I slip out of maya and into His arms, the arms of bliss.

Melting

 

The world is melting around me.

 It is You, all You...

Ha ha... You sure fooled me!

Lurching

It is an attainment to not reach for siddhis* when they arise. This attainment is worth a thousand siddhis. It is real, a place and means of being that is unshaken, even by the gift of magical powers.

This and all attainment comes from grace (sorry ego).

I am steady inside. Things lurch. That's what they do.

Hmmmmmmm.

Nope. I'm not that. Why did I ever think I was that?

Why did I ever even think I was that? So strange, the things that are falling away.

Inside I am steady. The lurching about, way over here, which means the pendulum had to swing way over there... has finally reached stasis.

For how long, who knows?? One never does, that I do know.

But now I am experiencing solid stillness, with the usual lurching around me, pulling at me.

Occasional slips bring a HUGE BURN. Poof! I am still again.

Poof!!

________________________
*"Magical powers" that arise from austerities, spiritual practices such as meditation, yoga, etc. Sadhus who can be buried alive for days and emerge with no damage for example. These skills are known as siddhis. They are often described as distractions from the ultimate goal, which is realization.

Unbound

Fall feels like waking up for me. The long, languid dream of Summer gives way to a nostalgic return to a time of change, of turning inward.

I am burning "good" stuff now, which is a nice break. Times I enjoyed, but still feel too "small," now, if I ever fit in them at all.

Even the expanse into Fall feels too small to me, too concentrated, the way burning feels. Like a pressure from within is pushing outward, pushing on the boundaries I accepted as real, dissolving them in myself. Only, burning limitations I once accepted as "good" aren't usually as painful as burning limiting experiences that were "bad."

Be light, my guru says. Be buoyant, unbound. I will hold you. You can expand into me.

Over and over, the old feeling that arises, "now I can _______," play computer games, eat donuts, sleep, ad infinitum.... these are the lifelong obsessions with finding fulfillment in the world of maya, the illusion of separateness.

Now, because of my guru's grace, I just as often notice this impulse to find fulfillment in some-thing, and immediately turn inside to take God's darshan, to slip into Shiva, dear to him, sure in the knowledge that there is but one answer to a heart that feels empty, and this source is always closer than close.

My Lord Shiva... is what I am made of.