Home at last

I am the place that hungers, that aches and is empty. The story of why, and the fable of what.

I am the very quality of fullness. Where one seeks, there am I. A memory cannot exclude me. There, on the horizon!

Look behind, and know me again... then know me all along.

Those who love me, who love only me, find in my heart their own gently beating. To seek shelter there is the end of every journey, the end of journeying itself.

Be enfolded, little heart. Feel this pulse, this humming throb.

Know yourself. Be home at last.

I know you

God, I love you as everything, your beauty, your strength, 

your fire and your frailty, your word and your gaze, 

I know you. I know you.

Bliss bliss bliss... thought..... Bliss bliss bliss.....

Bliss... bliss................ thought...

Bliss bliss bliss... thought..... Bliss bliss bliss...

Dear God, please never stop pulling me into You with your bliss

Now

An excerpt from the Vijnana Bhairava, The Manual for Self Realization by Swami Lakshmanjoo, from Dharana 28 (sloka 51).

"When you are walking or talking, or doing some household work, or doing any other nonsense act, just concentrate your mind on dvādaśānta [the center place]. Your mind must hold the state of dvādaśānta in each and every act of your daily routine of life. But this must be held in continuity, pratikṣaṇa.

Then, one is born anew. One is born anew in days, not in months. Vailakṣaṇyaṁ dinair bhavet, some days will take place and he will be born anew; he will become new, all-round new...

...Then kṣīṇa vṛitter, his [lower] mind will cease to function. His mind will cease to function altogether, and he will become a new man in some moments, or in a few days, not months.

Then nothing is to be done afterwards. Then his everything is there."

Swami Lakshmanjoo at the feet of Ramana Maharshi 1938

A little lesson

I felt bad. Where did You go? I reached, nothing.

A few minutes later, I felt You "return." A touch inside. Just a touch.

I soared back into You as the source, my Beloved... as all of this.

(A little lesson).

My Beloved's name is Shiva

Ever since my guru (who else?) announced "Pack your bags..." when I was waking up, I am slipping more each minute into the One, it is bliss and magic, returning to God, to my true Self.

Was it only a few months ago when I was STRIVING to reach God? And then having little interest? Back and forth. I've really stopped that!

When I think about writing in my blog, and how this perspective might sound, I feel I want to explain (who am I explaining to?)

If someone is reading this, and thinks there is way more to life than "shutting out" my experience of the world, that it is self-centered and perhaps outright delusional, consider my explanation.

I am stepping out of the game. The game goes on. We all have our time to move on. I follow my duty through the world, and observe it. But my senses are turning inside. That is where my heart is, where my treasure lies.

I am leaving this world, inside. Inside I have turned away from the world. I am not afraid, or bound by it. I am not concerned. I am free. My state is the key.

I do not move. Where I am is profoundly still because there is no space and there is no time.

Space means here, and not here. Time means now, and not now. Limitations. God, my divine nature exists outside of these elements of maya. Even my own concept of God is a momentary shill, a compassionate offering for my mind to grasp. God is beyond all concepts.

God has many names, and answers to all of them.

My Beloved's name is Shiva. Shiva Shiva Shiva.... the land of my being, the water of my soul. I am called Jnana Shiva... to know You is my state.

Tagore

This is the ultimate end of man, to find the One which is in him; which is his truth, which is his soul; the key with which he opens the gate of the spiritual life, the heavenly kingdom.

~ Rabindranath Tagore

Home

The story is disappearing. I swim in it, dip in and then out. Look... I look up and there is a place where all of this dissolves into the One.

I know I am reaching to You, because every time with my heart I look up, your love and bliss dissolves some more of it all... of what I once thought was important.

Nothing can hurt me. Nothing can happen to me. I am safe, I've always been safe, always been home.

There is only One.

Kiss the fear

I have turned inside to God. Somehow, when I seem to turn inside, You are always there. We are joining... because I am slipping the bonds of this place, this me, this ego. The truth: we are already one.

I do not push or pull as the wheel goes around. Ecstasy, fear, freedom, bondage, love, jealousy... fear and anxiety in an avalanche crashes in where a moment ago I could touch you, sink into you whenever I wanted.

Gone. The grace is gone. I am alone. Did I do something wrong, guruji?

No. It is the wheel. To be free, I must loose myself from these things.

Slipping past, I do not push or pull. I am not the root of action. I do not believe in suffering. Shakti, Shakti.... I am the sweet Shakti and we are pouring into my Beloved Shiva, the experience of my return, many lifetimes in the making.

It is the place of pure bliss.

I open again. I kiss the fear. Throw myself upon the so familiar anxiety... the fire, the sacred fire is burning me up. The more I feel, the more that swirls around me, the more pure I become. I see consciousness. My experience, my senses are consciousness.

So'ham, I am that. I am everything. I am You.

Follow the Shakti to Shiva

It is hard to explain in words where I am going, and how I await myself there.

Swami Lakshamjoo on the day of his
attainment of the Self, of Shiva

First off, I finally feel that realization is inevitable. I am spiraling into myself. I no longer hold on, invest in the play of maya. I smile, I am sad, it is all so beautiful, and it is passing away. Soon I will be with my Beloved. This is my last lifetime. It just is.

I know now why "moody" music has been my favorite all my life. It is the soundtrack of return to God, saying farewell, a poignant goodbye, a poignant hello.

Universal Shaiva Fellowship Bookstore

I realized today that kriyas aren't just purification, or even just communications from Shree Chiti Shakti. She is moving my body, and that is how everything is, really. Made from her, moving as her.

When I have a kriya, it is Shree Kundalini showing me, right now, that all of this is shakti, I am shakti, I am merging into Shiva. Where they are one, that is my true state.

A profound realization, experience. Follow the Shakti to Shiva.

Then I finally read my email from The Universal Shaiva Fellowship, with a commentary on verses from the Vijnana Bhairava. And there it was in the first stanza, where I'm at in my sadhana. (See next post, below, first paragraph).

"When you enter in the state of energy, and leave your individual state (you have not to enter in the state of energy for always), you have to throw off the individual state and enter in the energy to enter in the universal state in the end. Because unless you ignore, [throw] off, your individuality, universality will not rise, universality won’t take place." ~Swami Lakshmanjoo

This gave me chills. This is new, and it's real to me now. Every little realization, recognition, fills me with bliss. Sweet bliss.

Many times a day now, a little touch of grace reminds me, and I take a moment to concentrate, to follow my dharana into a new state, which lasts for up to a minute.

I slip back the half step into the me that is universal, blissful, and not identified with my ego or body, or place in time. All around me is supreme intelligence at play, a moving painting, painted with light, which is consciousness.

This is new, a new place I go... where the grace leads me. Guruji...

It is always grace, I know now. My ego tries to figure out how these "attainments" apply to me. No luck, not anymore. My mind starts to flutter, then I caress it back into place. Be still. Remain still.

How? It is always grace.

"No matter which intensity of Lord Shiva's grace is with you, it will carry you to His nature in the end." ~ Swami Lakshmanjoo

The path is Shakti, not Shiva

The path is Śakti (energy); the path is not Śiva. (Vijnana Bhairava verse 20-21)

This lecture is an excerpt from the Vijnana Bhairava: The Manual for Self Realization, verses 20-21, revealed by Swami Lakshmanjoo . . .

शक्त्यावस्थाप्रविष्टस्य
निर्विभागेन भावना ।
तदासौ शिवरूपी स्यात्
शैवी मुखमिहोच्यते ॥२०॥

śaktyāvasthāpraviṣṭasya
nirvibhāgena bhāvanā /
tadāsau śivarūpī syāt
śaivī mukhamihocyate // 20 //

When you enter in the state of energy, and leave your individual state (you have not to enter in the state of energy for always), you have to throw off the individual state and enter in the energy to enter in the universal state in the end. Because unless you ignore, [throw] off, your individuality, universality will not rise, universality won’t take place.

So you have to enter in the state of energy first, śakti avasthā praviṣṭasya; then afterwards yadā nirvibhāgena bhāvanā bhavet, when you feel that undifferentiatedness comes in your consciousness–undifferentiatedness between energy and the holder of energy–tadāsau śivarūpī syāt, at that very moment, this sādhaka, this bhāvanā [contemplation] becomes one with Lord Śiva.

So the path is Śakti; the path is not Śiva (śaivī means Śakti). Energy is mukham, the path is, iha, here,ucyate, explained. Energy is the real path you have to tread.

यथालोकेन दीपस्य
किरणैर्भास्करस्य च ।
ज्ञायते दिग्विभागादि
तद्वच्छक्त्या शिवः प्रिये ॥२१॥

yathālokena dīpasya
kiraṇairbhāskarasya ca /
jñāyate digvibhāgādi
tadvacchaktyā śivaḥ priye // 21 //

O dear Pārvatī, just like with the light of your candle or torch, dīspasya ālokena, by the light of your torch or candle, or by the rays of the sun, all the differentiated points of deśa, space, are known, are understood, in the same way Śiva is being understood by Śakti, by his energy. Energy is the means by which you can understand and enter in the state of Lord Śiva.

–––––––––––––

37. The sense here is that this sadhaka (the aspirant) through contemplation with one-pointed awareness (bhavana) becomes one with Lord Shiva (Bhairava). [Editor's note]

(source: Vijnana Bhairava, by Swami Lakshmanjoo)

All Content is subject to Copyright © Universal Shaiva Fellowship, John Hughes.

Pack your bags

When he steps off the balcony, when magic holds him up, that is You...

When he commands without touching, takes life without mercy, that is You...

The evil can only slip past me, your Many mightily arrayed as the One, the beggar, the king, the redemption of the evil One... it is all You.

I still hear always the bubbles rising, the prana rising through the akasha, sometimes a melodious tinkling... that is my nada.

I was almost asleep, and I realized for the first time in many months, the sound of the plane warming up on the tarmac was gone...(!) It was fading, but I never thought it would leave.

(Will you not take me, My Love? I am the place of your smile, the drift of your half-closed eyes... You flow to me as your embrace, the sacred Ganga Maa... dancing down through the Himalayas to the place of stillness, never forsaken, the beautiful one, Kashi... Veranasi... and Surya, the rising sun. Pranam...)

"With what?" I looked around, saw nothing I needed to carry, nothing that wasn't me.

I was almost awake, and then I heard in a woman's voice, clearly... (I thought someone was in my apartment).

She said: "Pack your bags."