I felt you tap on my shoulder last night. Like that time before, that time a preparation for this time, I see.
I recognize that tap.
It is possible I am going to have a relationship with the visible form of the guru.
It doesn't matter.
For the first time in my life, in my sadhana, I am out of the way. I am out of the way of grace. I feel it start in some delicious way, and COMPLETELY RESIST the lifetime habit of grasping the start of it, moving it, augmenting it, making the most of it....
... and by doing that, make it as small as my little ego, tapering out, gone.
The answer is not learning how to grasp it better, longer, farther.
The answer is here. It is this.... watch, be, simply remain where I am, along for the ride. I have finally learned what I must know to accept grace.
It turns out that the real answer is all the work I have done to get to this place, where I can finally let go of "augmenting" and controlling the forces of my life.
I got out of the way.