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Monday, August 15, 2016

It all comes from the Guru

The Inner Presence of the Guru meditation at the Ashram

We were meditating on the Guru inside. Jnaneshwar wrote about this in the Jnaneshwari.

I focused, but couldn't see the Guru inside. Not helpful. I quit trying, I thought maybe the Guru was a place.

Immediately I could see the kriyaloka meditation room at the ashram. For the first time, I realized the deep feelings I had there had a quality of presence. And this presence was the Guru.

Like a velvet blanket of hushed awareness enveloping me from without and within, no difference, I dived so quickly to a deep place each evening after dinner, moving swiftly down the hallway and then running down the stairs to the smaller meditation room for ashramites with kriyas. There was usually the same two people there, me and a man I never spoke with, but smiled at a few times when passing.

I am experiencing that all of my spiritual experiences come from the Guru. Intimate. Purposeful. Drawing me to her inside. Inside. It is her always, all the time.

I know these insights seems obvious. Recently my spiritual life has been completely reordered. I have moved my mind out of the way, and I am relearning everything at a much deeper level.

I have had so many profound spiritual experiences, all of which I now look back on with a whole new understanding. Solid.

When I experience moments out of each day when the ashram is "reaching out" to me, uplifting me and my state... that is a spiritual experience.

My Guru unseen tapping on my shoulder playfully as I sat with visitors for lunch was a spiritual experience (she had mentioned she did this, which came up casually in our conversation; the look in their eyes at my immediately wide eyes and open jaw with such a quick intake of breath!)

The ashram welcoming me when I first arrived with an experience of seeing all of the ashram as a siddha sees it, as my Guru sees it as I wandered around, (phone booths were hysterically funny!!)

Those are all spiritual experiences. And they all come from the Guru, they are the Guru.

We are all one. Everyone is being affected by the Guru, the source, whatever each may call the will and presence of God. 

The Guru is universal. The Guru is the grace bestowing aspect of God.

*Part of my challenge (and confusion) has stemmed from the fact that I am both Mormon and a yogini with a Guru. Family is Mormon. Spiritual sangham is Mormon on the one hand, and Siddha Yoga on the other. I have kept these both separate for as long as I can. My siblings would be upset and judgmental, sure that I've been lured by the devil to a cult (can Kool-Aid be far behind?)

Now that both of my parents have passed on, I have relaxed a little bit. I'm not sure if they've come across my many projects online, and found this blog, for instance. We rarely communicate. I don't know what they know. I suspect I should get over this separation with siblings. But I do keep (my path in Hinduism) hidden from my Mormon church folks.

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