"Chanting (etc.) is okay, but it doesn't get me there." Everything was about getting there.
Then, I dropped all the "fixing" and "getting there" architecture built up in my being.
All because I said yes to merging with the guru, with finding her inside me, and the gifts that my guru given to us for several months, gifts she is showering on me right now?
The experience is now, always now. Progress is not required. It really is the journey, not the destination.
I guess most or all of this seems obvious to seekers. But I thought I had to somehow achieve realization. I had reached a point where my sadhana wasn't about practices. It was about the discipline, purification and enlightenment of my mind. This control of my mind has blossomed into something unexpected.
I am on the path of choosing God, loving God, and opening myself to my guru's grace. I don't have to worry about the right actions and/or timing. I don't have to worry about "getting there." I already worry about that way too much.
How can I further describe the revolution that is taking place in my life?