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Monday, November 3, 2014

It only ends once

It's time to finish up...

I am in a place where my head is not turned by spiritual experiences. I notice them, and I know it is my guru's shakti, so I thank her inside.

I am almost at the place just now... where contracted or expanded consciousness is the same. It is consciousness. All of this... It is an illusion to think that what I am is here in this play, except as the play itself, which is Shiva.

I am solitary. I burn the fear and helplessness of *anava mala, and the contraction is almost unbearable. But soon it stops, and I am so much lighter. I can breathe again.

There is no work, except seeing. There is no attainment, except knowing. And yet, I am at last unsure as to what any moment means, undoing the compensations of adulthood.

It is a sweet little curl of consciousness which flows up from inside, encircling my heart, as I feel it swell...

It's time to finish up, to begin the farewells.

I feel like a long lost relative who's path at last winds towards home, there several ridges distant and closer each moment.

I am saying farewell to this place. Perhaps there will be more farewells later. I am not concerned with timing.

Still... it is time to finish up. 

It only ends once.


*One of the three malas, or impurities, anava mala is the low self-esteem, insecurity, a deep feeling of separateness, and a complete pre-occupation with self which results from feeling that we are individual, small and separate. It is the source of incompleteness we experience, which gives rise to feelings of insecurity and sadness.

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