It is hard to explain in words where I am going, and how I await myself there.
|Swami Lakshamjoo on the day of his|
attainment of the Self, of Shiva
First off, I finally feel that realization is inevitable. I am spiraling into myself. I no longer hold on, invest in the play of maya. I smile, I am sad, it is all so beautiful, and it is passing away. Soon I will be with my Beloved. This is my last lifetime. It just is.
I know now why "moody" music has been my favorite all my life. It is the soundtrack of return to God, saying farewell, a poignant goodbye, a poignant hello.
|Universal Shaiva Fellowship Bookstore|
I realized today that kriyas aren't just purification, or even just communications from Shree Chiti Shakti. She is moving my body, and that is how everything is, really. Made from her, moving as her.
When I have a kriya, it is Shree Kundalini showing me, right now, that all of this is shakti, I am shakti, I am merging into Shiva. Where they are one, that is my true state.
A profound realization, experience. Follow the Shakti to Shiva.
"When you enter in the state of energy, and leave your individual state (you have not to enter in the state of energy for always), you have to throw off the individual state and enter in the energy to enter in the universal state in the end. Because unless you ignore, [throw] off, your individuality, universality will not rise, universality won’t take place." ~Swami Lakshmanjoo
This gave me chills. This is new, and it's real to me now. Every little realization, recognition, fills me with bliss. Sweet bliss.
Many times a day now, a little touch of grace reminds me, and I take a moment to concentrate, to follow my dharana into a new state, which lasts for up to a minute.
I slip back the half step into the me that is universal, blissful, and not identified with my ego or body, or place in time. All around me is supreme intelligence at play, a moving painting, painted with light, which is consciousness.
This is new, a new place I go... where the grace leads me. Guruji...
It is always grace, I know now. My ego tries to figure out how these "attainments" apply to me. No luck, not anymore. My mind starts to flutter, then I caress it back into place. Be still. Remain still.
How? It is always grace.
"No matter which intensity of Lord Shiva's grace is with you, it will carry you to His nature in the end." ~ Swami Lakshmanjoo