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Thursday, May 16, 2013

Inner Explosion (update)


I just woke up from a nap. While I was asleep, the most amazing thing happened. I was fast asleep when something exploded in me, in my being and consciousness. It was like a depth charge going off, exploding through all of me, pushing outward through me as consciousness.
It barely woke me up for a second, just long enough to remember it later.
When I woke up, everything seemed the same, I haven't noticed anything different(?) 
~ originally posted 5/12/13

~ ... ~ ... ~ ... ~ ... ~ ... ~ ... ~

~ updated on 5/16/13
I never expected to have an inner "explosion," even when "dreaming." 

Today I was reminded that I had an explosion of sorts during shaktipat, though I had never described it that way to myself...

NOTE: It is really really strange to type the words "inner" and "explosion" together

 ~ Update 5/16/13

I opened the SYP website today and there was a description of the 2013 message artwork.

And in the explanation of the sahasrara mandala, there was the word "explosion." Ah-ha!!

"In the Sanskrit language, sahasrara literally means 'Thousand Rays of Light.' The sages experienced the Supreme Self as an explosion of divine effulgence, and described it using metaphors such as 'thousand-petaled lotus,' or 'the light of a thousand suns.' They named the crown chakra sahasrara to reflect this experience."
And, "The thousand petals of the sahasrara are a metaphor for the infinite rays of pulsating Consciousness."

The divine effulgence of the sahasrara chakra
here reminds me of my "sparks," though the lights
were low, so it was mostly dark in the room

This immediately evokes my shaktipat experience.

I received shaktipat from my Guru at the beginning of 1999 in Santa Clara, California. I lived in Mountain View, just down the road.

I was very new to Siddha Yoga. I originally decided not to go. I didn't understand yet how my relationship with her was going to be essential (as guru's grace) to my spiritual path and returning to God.

I was at work, where I had a small picture of my Guru at my desk. I looked at her picture, and felt her presence in my mind. And I could hear her in my mind as she asked: "Won't you come be with me?"

Well. I asked Bill if he would pay for my registration, and he said yes!

 The original explosion?

Shiva Nataraj in the dance of creation
with his consciousness swirling and taking form
through the fire of Shiva's active form, Kundalini Shakti

My shaktipat experience was very dramatic, and is very special to me.

Our chanting reached an ecstatic crescendo, when my head tilted back and my mouth fell open with ecstasy, energy flowing upwards. So much ecstasy! I felt a distinct little tingly movement at the base of my spine.

Then the energy flowing upward EXPLODED into a huge spray of sparks, the divine effulgence upward in every direction, and I could see the Nataraja form of Shiva dancing in the center. This is the ecstasy of Kundalini Shakti merging with Shiva.

The spray of ecstatic sparks/divine effulgence continued upwards from me, up and up and up and clear out into the universe past galaxies and nebulae out into deep space, then tipping... tipping... came around and flowed all the way back to me and rejoined me at the base of my spine.

The divine effulgence had become circular, moving up through me and out through all and back in a continuous circle.

Throughout I was in a state of tremendous ecstasy.

I realize that it is possible to receive shaktipat with hardly any signs at all. Guru's grace knows best. For me, I am grateful for this compassionate and beautiful experience. I have never had to ask if shaktipat was real(!).

Thank you my Guru, your compassion and love is so sweet and real to me.

Sweet guru's grace.

The many petalled sahasrara chakra
at the crown of the head

 Another "explosion:"

I recently remembered an experience I had when I lived at the ashram, which happened right before I woke up. For a short second I experienced a beautiful golden dawn with sweet baby blue skies, all behind an immense egg which almost filled my field of vision.

Suddenly the egg broke open and I woke up (in the same instant).

NOTE: The breaking open of an egg is a Hindu symbol for the breaking open of the ego. I didn't feel any different, so I assumed it was a communication about that, or the future, or ??

  Praying for an "explosion?"

Also when I lived at the ashram, as I once wrote here, I had an ongoing fear of having the guru look at me. On several occasions she turned towards me as though to look, just staying there for a second, then she turned away and kept going past.

It seemed that my ego was terrified, and I assume it's because my ego might have been broken open (or etc.) if she looked right at me. My ego was very relieved when she didn't look, but it left me with a feeling of swelling up and ALMOST exploding, but not quite. There's a definite unfinished feeling of gathered up energy, with no where to go, even now.

Lately I have remembered this several times, and wished that I would have "yogi-ed up" and reached out to her in my heart, even aloud, and asked her to look at me.

Now I never see her. But as she has said, to her devotees she is "...closer than you can even imagine."

Remembering this, I have prayed over and over, please break my ego open, or...?? Please, finish this...

And so... I think... the INNER EXPLOSION was the answer to this prayer!

PS Did I mention it is really really strange to type the words "inner" and "explosion" together...?

"Lemme outta here..."

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