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Wednesday, May 1, 2013

A chap book of my life of darshans

A CHAP BOOK OF MY LIFE OF DARSHANS: Last night I was in a very peculiar mood. It was like a waking dream. I was drifting through the desires of my heart...

The dream about the goal posts in winter...

The strange hunger when I looked at the iridescent white shell face of my watch...

The steady hum of the engine and the tires of our car as we drifted through the night, as like a little bundle I curled on the floor in the darkness of the back seat where the humming sounds and vibrations and the heater's insistent warmth sent me INWARD in the most profound peacefulness (of OM...)

All the kitties...


Jennifer N____ and ______'s Earth Things. The little bookshop with a book called "Grapefruit" by Yoko Ono. The Cosmic ______, the Indian bedspreads, the books about the world I dreamed of, and still thought was outside me...


The Waterhouse print "Ladie of Shallot," half-sick of shadows and madly awaiting a glimpse of the real world... (ever ready to release the chain holding my little boat to the shore on my bedroom wall, and float away to it...)


Galadriel in The Lord of the Rings...

The wind in the treetops at night... The silent stag in the garden at midnight... The dark, eternally wild presence outside the light of the shrinking campfire.

Christmas magic, music and snow, and lights and lights (and the sweet chocolates stolen from the back corner of my parents' closet)...

(The ooooooooo feeling of darshan through the little gap in the doors of) ...the cold-tiled, rarified, completely still and silent world of the baptismal font...

_______ Grove Park, the paths and the wild trees, the stone bridge, the remembered fountain... all of this magic, at night mine...

A LIFETIME OF DARSHANS... The intense nostalgia... the perfect vantage of everything... All inside me now... all of this lifetime of longing. 

There is no outside, no separation from God... There is only One, the One without second.


There is only....
ONE.


My Beloved.



(The me that never forgets...)



The Lady of Shalott by John William Waterhouse


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