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Tuesday, January 1, 2013

HELL-NO adulthood

I think I skipped most of the trade-offs that the majority of people make when they choose to become adults. 

It helps that I have no children.

I don't know why I didn't quite see this before. If I seek a life partner, I am not going to be interested in or relate to anyone who hasn't tangled with adulthood and won by stepping out, going through the motions while remaining loyal to a younger self, one that never gave up and traded-in for the whole adult equation.

This makes me quite different than most of the people I meet. They are busy, and in quite different ways.

I tend to get along better with retired people. I am alluding to this when I describe myself as a "semi-retired" slacker.

I don't like people who are busy with children and soccer, vaccinations and wallpaper. Or those who seek STATUS in the adult world through their profession or expertise, inevitably acquiring the subsequent ideals and values which they apply to themselves and measure in others. They judge my internal life of childhood dreams and adult merging with God, and my external life of "slacking" by being a security guard when I have a Masters degree. I value my life in all ways, they devalue it in all ways.

I think as I get closer to the age at which most people retire I will find more folks who I can relate to, and who relate to me.

That doesn't mean I'll figure out how to be truly social. I have finally realized that my high-functioning autism(?) and other factors just really precludes this.

I no longer look for actual connections with people beyond fondness for acquaintances, and that passing exchange of "in the moment" friendliness and love with "strangers" which I so often enjoy (as a means of sharing my Guru's blissful shakti).

PS I am a security guard the way Daryl Dixon is the survivalist, "can do" hillbilly on The Walking Dead. It uses my natural abilities and area of focus, being in the moment, evaluating the potential for damage or danger. And, I can remain a slacker while I am doing it (if and until a problem arises). People have no idea about this level of adaptation in choosing to be a security guard. It is a "profession" that has no status. Valued only by property owners and the police, who know we are on the front lines, helping them to focus on the real problems of a city at night.

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