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Tuesday, January 1, 2013


What if I really chose anything that I do or have in this life? Instead of treating my life "possessions" as collateral for a fix to my broken life, shattered by events right out of an opera or play (at age twelve)?

The women I know do not bargain. When they were drinking and using, they chose to do it, and they did. They trusted in their choices.

I have questioned every desire, choice, action or point-of-view that I have had in my entire life.

This is part of why this sudden turn in my path is so huge. I am not questioning. I am trusting, going with each moment. I reject fear. Be of one mind. Learn and grow and be nourished by whatever I am doing, without questioning. I can learn if it doesn't turn out. I don't have to know before then, or deny myself that growth.

I have so much fear I can get rid of like 96% of it and still have too much.

I am an overthinker. This makes it hard to have a blog, and I haven't maintained my previous efforts. I reveal that something as simple as not trying to figure things out before trying things has been my life strategy. And that learning another way is a big deal.

But this is my path. It has its moments, and then some. It makes jumping on Shiva's bandwagon way better than anything in or outside of my "life" so far, and that is a good thing.

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